Alright?

Whits happnin'?

For Christmas this year I got:

A magnolia bath set. Magnolia. Much last minute present buying from wee bro?
£50 from mum, Anna Sui Sweet Dreams and socks.

Thats it. I love my mum.

In other news, working tomorrow at Ibrox, working Sunday at Mar Hall, and then out to Mother in Laws for a bit.

Then getting knuckled into uni work for my exams on my birthday. This years going to suck baws.

Updates

I passed my theory test - Thanks for the well wishes and good lucks - Oh no, wait. You didn't send me any.

I have also been promoted to supervisor at the Temp Agency. The heady heights of £6.00 per hour and less physical work beckon. First supervisor shift tomorrow. Shittin' it

Pressure update

This is what I still have left to do on my urgent list

2. Fill in skills booklet, with references for uni (about 1/2 a day)
3.. Finish E-Learning for hand hygiene (about 8 hours)
6. Go to a concert
7. Spend Sunday babysitting
9. Study for driving theory test (although technically I could hammer it on Monday night)
10. Find time to sleep

Not bad eh?

Damn you, rubbish eyes!

Wednesday and yesterday I could not find my glasses. I hunt high and low. I give up and resign myself to a nre pair of glasses. Trot off to Specsavers and shell out £50 for a new pair. They are red bold frames in case anyone is interested. I look like my mother.

I digress

Today during my tidy round the flat (well weekly tidy/deep clean, this is the day where I was/mop all floors hoover behind and underneath stuff, wash out the fridge etc) what do I find?

1 pair of glasses?

No I find 2. 2 bloody pair. This now brings the total number of pairs of glasses I own up to 3. Although my new pair have a stronger prescription as optician says that although I wear them for driving I should be wearing them most of the time. One eye is rubbish, one eye is okay, however my "good" eye is now starting to collapse under the strain of doing the work of two eyes really.

Pressure!

I have three days left this week

This means I have 3 days in which to:

1. Tidy house (about 1 hour should do it)
2. Fill in skills booklet, with references for uni (about 1/2 a day)
3. Start and finish E-Learning for hand hygiene (about 8 hours)
4. Complete 2nd Oral presentation for January (hopefully not too long, as I know what I'm doing)
5. Go to cinema
6. Go to a concert
7. Spend Sunday babysitting
8. Arrange meeting with uni tutor
9. Study for driving theory test (although technically I could hammer it on Monday night)
10. Find time to sleep

Actually that's a bit of a misleading statement because all I'm wanting to do is sleep, left to my own devices I will quite happily rack up 12-14 hours daily at the moment. I'm just tired all the time. I don't know what's wrong with me. No, I think I do. Its called being a pie.

On top of that list, I have to still find time to take dog to the vet for her booster, phone my temp agency and argue about wages and wage slips, get in another few driving lessons, finish my sewing projects, study, find some work I can try and fit in somewhere, continue to post away the DVDs I'm selling on Amazon, buy Christmas presents, wrap them, deliver them, find something to wear for lunch out with the "office".

Help me.

FREE DRINK!

DRINK! FECK!

http://www.glayva.com/herald/

Free miniature Glayva. Go on, its almost Christmas

Chepa dinner a go-go

I'm beginning to wish I didn't eat meat.

My mum (bless her) knows that I am skint. She also knows that whilst I will eat anything, husband will prefer his food to have come from an nanimal

So off mother trots to Asda, there she spots the reduced section. Ah how we love the reduced section in our house. Not as much as mum though. I tend to think I've picked up a bargain if its half price. Not mum...

"Here Son, much is this?"
"£1.35 madam"
"Gonnae reduce it a bit?"
"Errm okay"
"Gonnae reduce it a bit mair son?"
"Alright"
"Here, see whilst yer in daein they other bit, gonnae reduce this?"

The end result one very harassed Asda employee, and I get 5 legs of pork for £0.30 each. And a lamb roast, a duck, a packet of steak, 2 packs of chicken thighs, beef olives and sausages. All for £0.30p each.

Theres only so many times a week you can eat pork. I know I sound really ungrateful but I long for beans on toast

Don't get married

'nuff said.

In other news, budget now out the water due to In-Law related "emergency". Looking for permanent work/night shift now, that means I will have no work life balance at all any more.

Woe is me.

I am also a fat pie now.

Fuck it. Nothings worth the effort anyway. Least of all me.

Fuck you December, Fuck you.

Stupid skint diet

Put on 5lbs this week due to eating utter rubbish. Admittedly I have went a bit mental in the old cupboards and have been over-compensating for lack of pennies, by making

* Rich cocoa cake in the rice cooker
* Toffee Popcorn (sugar, golden syrup, butter)
* Rice pudding
* Lentil soup (yum)
*Shredded crispy beef (dipped slices of stirfry beef I found in freezer in a batter and deep fry) with Jasmine rice and dipping sauce.

So we have been eating very well the past wee while, I have been taking coffee to uni in a flask, and a cup in my bag. The problem is I'm obviously just a pie.

A lot of stuff in my cupboards thats almost out of date, so using it as best I can. Hence all the puddings ad weight gain.

This might actually be one of the most boring posts I've ever blogged.

Sometimes, I wish I was single

or lived with another woman.

Another woman, would tidy up as she went along.
She would pick up her own stuff, and maybe a bit of mine
Another woman would take a go at cleaning the bathroom
She would not (hopefully) push me all over the bed at night, doing pig impressions.

Mostly though, another woman would not expect me to use my "days off" to clean the house. She would let me have it as a day off.

Oh and when I say "I'm too tired today, can you cook dinner?" Beans and toast would be fine. Its not waiting until 10:30 at night until I get really pissed off to actually say you are hungry, and then moan.

Rant finished

Theory test booked

I have now booked my driving theory test. This is because my instructor says I'm almost test ready, and have to get the theory test done.

Studying in earnest begins now. Test date 9th December.

Wish me luck

I'm Rich!

Well slightly, remember my PREMIUM BONDS?

The ones I bought 4 years ago?

Well they only went and sent me a cheque for my winnings.

I won.... £50. Which is gutting considering there is 2 x £1million up every month, but close eh?

Christmas is cancelled

Seriously utterly skint. Having a challenge to see just how cheaply we can eat starting from Tuesday morning. Aiming for under £15 for the week (I could do cheaper than this but I think I would end up with scurvy. Again). For 2 of us. Although husband makes this slightly more difficult given than he only eats certain things I might even have to walk home from uni, this saving £1.40 per trip. Its a 1 hour 45 minute walk home, assuming I keep the rather brisk walking pace of 3.6 miles per hour up.

We are actually scarily skint. I don't know where all of our money has gone. Roll on Februaryayr.

So have taken the decision to start selling off my wordly posessions. Heres my amazon shop, please have a browse and see if theres any DVD's you want.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/shops/index.html?ie=UTF8&sellerID=A1SPI6MD85M6W2

So away to plot on how to financially manage this week. And next. Next is a pisser because HUSBAND PROMISED his "Belfast guys" he would take them out for lunch when they are over, not problematic in itself you would think? But theres no guarantees that his work will sub him the money, so it might be coming out of our pocket. So you know all thise Ayr racecourse shifts? Celtic Park walking back into town in the pissing rain? Glad to see its working out for me.

shopping and me do not mix

Waist size 14
Thighs (not hips, THIGHS) size 16
Boobs size 16

This means nothing fits. NOTHING. Apart from shoes.

Stupid body

Drug Clinic

Today I attended a drug clinic. Not for personal attendance like, for the placement. No really.

Was very interesting actually. Got to learn a lot about drug abuse, methadone use and meet some of the people who attend. To be honest, not what I had expected. People attending not fitting the pre-conceived or commonly reinforced ideas that we/I expect of people who use/abuse heroin.

All of them were very polite, honest and very contrite about their habits. I thanked them for letting me attend and participate. Not one of the people attending refused me an audience, and it was actually quite nice/reassuring - I'm looking for a better word here but I'm tired and have an onset migraine - to see people attending for help, and who keep coming back, even though they might not get it right straight away. Admitting that they have "used" when they have, and putting strategies into place to try and avoid the temptation to use again.

Also disappointing how little support there is in place for people who use drugs other than heroin. Heroin gets you methadone, and a drug clinic place should you need/request it. Cocaine abuse, Crack, Valium abuse, all of these drugs have no methadone equivalent. People are kind of left to get on with it.

Cue discussion about how people choose to take heroin/smoke/drink. Feel free. No doubt I can wade in at some point with my lofty sociology slant learned in uni and on placement.

Overall a good day.

Lessons to be learned no 231

When walking the dog, and she toilets in the street. Be a responsible socially conscious citizen and pick it up for disposal.

Do not however use a Morrisons bag, as it transpires they have holes in the bottom.

It was a very long walk home this morning.

November

How quickly time flies.

I am in my casuals today. Jeans, tee-shirt and a hoodie. Meeting Monster In Law for luncheon today. Hence no uniform as I have a half day! The trade off is that next Thursday I will be in placement attending childhood bereavement talks until 8pm. My timetable for the next 2 weeks is very very full "Community is a skoosh, it's a pure skive" Aye. Right.

Been spending so much time in uniform recently, that it feels strange when its off to be honest

What else has happened this week? Well, went to a talk about domestic violence. Scary biscuits people. Seriously, I was traumatised.

Spots settling down a bit, but still a bit low. Trying to keep chipper. Trying. Weight gain from pill has settle at 2lbs. Which isnt bad to be honest. So trying to keep that down and hope it evens out over the next few weeks. It does however mean I will have yet another fat Christmas. Whoopee.

In a moment of madness I invited everyone up here for dinner, rationalising that it was as easy to cook for 5 as it was 2. This was not one of my saner moments, think I might have to switch the venue to mums, and just cart the food up there as I have no idea where I'm going to put everyone. Ah the dangers of mood swings.

Miserable. Spotty

No change there then? No in all seriousness try not to cringe when you see me next. Well okay you can cringe but please hold back on the Hammer Horror style dramatics and not to shout "The children! Won't you PLEASE think of the children?!?"

I was at the doctors a few days back, and after moaning at her for a bit, she thinks that I have hormone related mood disorder - she was scuttling around the word depression-(or as we prefer to call it here "bat shit mental turns"). So she's popped me on the mini-pill to see if that will even me out over the next 6 weeks, but if no change then I have to go back and explore the possibility of anti-depressants.

Basically I have super PMS/PMT all the time. Like ALL THE TIME. Really, no breaks/holidays or let ups. So pump me full of more hormones to fix my already broken ones. Its either that or my husband will eventually leave me for someone nicer. Like Stalin or something. Not really noticed much of a change other than bigger boobs (yes, thank you wonderful. I spend months MONTHS dieting to get into a smaller top size and one week of synthetic hormones blows that right out the water) and masses of spots. So many even other people are commenting "Oh. Are you alright?" "Yeah fine why?" "Erm. You're a wee bit spotty just now". Yes I had noticed, I actually caught the Health Visitor doing a double take and a wince today. "Yes I know. I'm very spotty" "O I hadn't noticed" "Liar" "Well okay a bit spotty".

In other news, still swithering about a new house, placement is going well. Babies EVERYWHERE. Wee bit clucky which isn't helping the hormones, especially as all I do all day is help perform baby assessments, part of which involves playing with, holding and inspecting baby to assess them. Got to hold a baby which was 4 weeks old, although had been born 6 weeks early, so really age wise still minus 2 weeks if that makes sense? So tiny. He tried to eat my uniform.

Saturday working away at Celtic park and was threatened with a strip search. The words "Get tae ..." were uttered, vocalised and at one point shouted, as I demanded a female police officer if they want to strip search me. It wasn't my till that was down, you don't go near anyone else's till. Chase it. Then I had to walk into town, in the very heavy rain, and ended up soaked. Tills were fine by the way, works out supervisor can't count. And we were missing 4 pies or something. Where would I hine 4 pies? I ask you?

This week due to monetary constraints I will be mostly eating vegetable curry and beans on toast and homemade soup. Oh the joys of being a student.

Out with the Health Visitor at the moment.

Loving it, although to be honest its a bit overwhelming, a bit depressing and quite frankly scary biscuits.

I....

am lost for words. Words fail me. Why does life/fate/the gods conspire to kick me in the teeth?

At a time of year where I'm already melancholy (for lack of a better word) life takes, a step back, gauges, takes a few more steps back and takes a runny. No point kicking me in the arse if I can't feel it eh?

You can ask, but its not guaranteed that I'll tell you. I think because I'm not ready to face it myself at the moment.

Its all very cryptic eh?

Final review

Final review from my preceptor (mentor, I always think Preceptor sounds like the psychic transformer)is that I will make a wonderful nurse, she's been impressed with my work whilst I was there, that I'm always eager to get mucked in and do my very best etc etc and that she only wishes I could get paid for my time there, as I've worked harder than most of the staff. My time keeping is wonderful and I could teach a member or two of staff a thing or two.

In short I'm wonderful. Off today but having a quiet at home day before Sunday, where I have to go see my family for a "YAY! GRAN IS 77" birthday dinner, during which I will be constantly reprimanded for being:

1. Too fat (Yer cousins are aw thin)
2. On a diet (Whit dae ye mean ye don't want chips. You've a LOVELY face hen)
3. Childless (Whit age are you? 26? Yer cousin hud FREE weans by that point)
4. Married (Thats awfy auld fashioned, Naebdy gets married these days)
5. Having a husband with long hair (No make him get it cut? Its awfy untidy looking)
6. Never visiting (We never see you)
7. Counteracting with "Well you never visit me either" (Aye hen, but its the travelling. "What from Greenfield?"?)
8. Not drinking (Pregnant? URR YE? Anna! She's NO DRINKING!)

And so it continues. I'm only going for personal mummy support as she dreads going almost as much as I do.

I will never be clean again

Today I spent 2 hours solid, no breaks, dematting a woman's Winehouse style beehive, which was done whilst wearing apron gloves and a hat made from a plastic bag.

The reason. Clock that up to the head lice, pubic lice and fleas she is hoaching with. Brushing her hair made them fall out onto the bed and watch them.. slowly... crawl... across... the bed... towards...me...

After that I get to go an deal with a wee lady with a very bad bowel infection (that could kill her), resulting in the most explosive watery diarrhoea that I have ever seen. Put her on commode. Strip the bed because its covered, "Are you finished?" "Aye hen, I'd like to go back to bed now.." "Fair enough, we'll just get you up and in...."

Its at this point her bowels open spraying me with infective diarrhoea. Wonderful. I then have to continue getting her settled before I have to change into a pair of surgical scrubs as we don't have spare uniforms.

I now have to spend the next week hoping I don't catch either the very infectious virulent bowel infection that kills you, or any of the pets. Almost finished and then I'm away out to the community where I have to ask plastic/cloth babies permission before I massage them.

Pains in the arse

See people who go to the football, and want food. Say they order a pie. Just gonnae order a fucking pie, none of this "Can I have a half price wan?" "No" "Ah ya fuckin' hun. Bet you're a hun eh?"

Aye thats right. Thats why you're no getting a half price pie. Its not because they don't exist, its not because you're a complete nobend. Its because I', an ancient German.

Also. Celtic Park and thier "incentives" If you take over £550, they will give you a dunt in your wages. Your minimum wage wages. A dunt of £10. Whoopide-fucking-doo. I take over £580 clear on Saturday. My till balances. I get an extra £10.

So I make DOUBLE what the other tills do because I work fast. And upgrade. The upgrading sucks by the way. "Pie? Steak pie? Bovril with that? Its freezing out there, its Bovril weather". selling a steakpie instead of a scotch pie gets you an extra £0.20 and a bovril nets an extra £1.60. And for all that I get an extra £10. Can't really complain. No wait I can. And I will.

I think this will go on record as one of the most boring blog posts ever.

Oh and I also learned nursey words this week.

Prepuce - medical term for foreskin
Paraphimosis - where the foreskin gets stuck and the willie all swells up. Very sore. I saw it. Even I winced.
Oopherectomy - This is removal of the ovaries
peylonephritis - Really REALLY painful kidney infection

I'm overweight!!!

"No surprise there" some of you may be thinking. What I mean is that I have now dropped down from an OBESE BMI to simply OVERWEIGHT. This is a joyous day my friends. Now I only have 2.5 stone to go. Yay! Party hats etc etc

To celebrate I ordered some clothing from the ever open shop that is the internet. I have tried to include pictures. Successfully it would seem

Colour me disturbed

Still no time for a real update as of ye other that I promise when I have time I will update.

But anyway. I leave the house this morning for placement. I do shift, get home and discover the pyjamas I had left out for me to wear when i got home, are still in the same place on the bed. Pull them on and the crotch is soaking.

Either I've become incontinent and not noticed

Or

The dogs been chewing/licking my pyjammie bottoms.

Like I say. Colour me disturbed

I'm too tired tp update coherently

just now, but rest assured when I have time (and more sleep) I will update you on:

Money Argument (resolved mostly)
House (potential new one, but probably not as still in punishment mode)
The night of the Long Knives
The "crash" team doctor who I almost killed
Me almost collapsing, prompting potential A&E access on my own placement. How embarrassing. Especially after it was resolved by 2 paracetamol.

Men

Are bastards. Bastard shaped, bastard coated bastards with bastard filling.

or in local dialect "basturts"

Almost halfway there

That was the end of week 3 in the placement. Week 4 looking like Wed, Thur and Fri.

Driving lesson today. Went well i thought. Reversing around corners and all that jazz. Uphill around corners no less.

Nothing else really to report

WIFE POINTS

Husband has decided I am on wife Points. He decided I was on Wife Points a while back, but I hadn't got around to posting about them. Let me tell you the rules of Wife points.

1. The first rule of Wife Points, is that you do not talk about Wife Points.
2. Wife Points are awarded on the basis of Wifely tasks, for example, bringing husband a cup of tea unexpectedly earns me Wife Points, but not every unexpected cuppa earns me points.
3. Similarly asking for Wife Points, or expecting them in reward for actions, earns a deduction of Wife Points.
4. Refusal to respond to Husbands request earns me a deduction of Wife Points.
5. Similarly responding to husbands request with a "Go fuck yourself Husband" earns a deduction of Wife Points.
6. Wife Points cannot be exchanged for material items e.g. 500 Wife Points swapped for dinner at Wagamamas. Apparently "Its not Boots hen"
7. Actions do not have a specific value eg cuppa tea 5 points, lap dancing 60 points. Husband decides the appropriateness of the points at the time
8. I don't know how many Wife Points I have. Asking how many I have earns me a deduction of already accrued Wife Points.
9. Any suggestion of Husband Points will be met with a swift and permanent deduction of Wife Points.


I'm pretty sure there are more rules but I will try and remember them.

What? You want us to re-enrol after 6 months?

EVERY 6 months?

Essentially had to queue about uni today for 3 hours, joining queue after queue to re-enrol. This did not make me a happy bunny

Also someone in the close has a leaking soil pipe, which is leaking down the internal stairwell wall, and flooding the close entry. So wading through raw sewage to get home not my idea of fun. Chap the two flats on the first floor and ask them if they have a leak? "No leaky leaky, no no no thank you" and "Naw hen, nae us like" did not meet with t'kept-wifey seal of responsible home ownership, so I phoned the factors this morning, who give them thier due, were out in the space of a few hours.

Then I went to Morrisons. At lunchtime on way back from uni, full of ANNOYING SCHOOLIES. I remember the days when like the skinny lassies on the bench outside, lunch was a chocolate bar, and a doughnut and I didn't weigh 456 stone. Not now. Colour me bitter.

Just watched a shitty film with t'husband. Ironed uniforms and off to bed soon.

Driving lessons going well, reversing around corners, although the use of "reference points" is confusing me. Apparently "knowing where you are" is a male trait, ad "unusual" in women. I don't care. The stickers on the back window confuse me.

Meeting mum on Wednesday to take her out to this M&S outlet store thats opened in Paisley, and maybe to the cinema too with t'husband.

Nothing very exciting from me I'm afraid, no real drama. No no drama. You don't want no drama drama...

End of week 2

And i still feel its going really well. The staff are human, and whilst people may complain about the hospital, there have been no instances of the staff gossiping about residents as soon as they are out of the room like at my last placement.

Weight loss is still ticking along nicely with the scales showing me at 13sr 4 or 13st 5 this morning depending how you look at them. I went with 13st 5, which brings me to a BMI of 31.1, another 1.1 off and I'll just be overweight as opposed to obese, which is good.

Off for the weekend now, and off Monday too, then in Tuesday, off til Saturday.

First week finished

Placement going well (I think) got 1 row for having hands in pockets, and bonus point for uniform check, hair off collar in bun and working V.Hard. Thats how I like it.

Mentor is lovely, takes no nonsense kind of woman, tells you what she expects and when she wants it done by. And indeed how she wants it done. Its almost like working with the big Yin again. But not as good

Saw a surgery Tuesday. Fixing an Incarcerated Inguinal Hernia. This is where the intestines protrude from an area of weak muscle, If the intestines bulge through the hernia defect and become trapped, this is called an incarcerated hernia. If the blood supply to an incarcerated hernia is shut off, the hernia is called a strangulated hernia. Strangulated hernias can result in gangrene.

Inguinal hernias are near the inguinal canal, the spot where the testes descend from the body into the scrotum. This type of hernia occurs in about two percent of adult males.

Both incarcerated and strangulated hernias are medical emergencies and require emergency surgery to correct.In Inguinal hernia repair the surgeon must be alert not to injure the spermatic cord, the testes, or the blood supply to the testes

So after fixing the hernia, they had to also resection the mans bowel as part of it was gangrenous, due to the cut off blood supply.

Took him down to theatre, watched him undergo anaesthetic, talked through procedure, watched it and then took him to recovery.

BRILLIANT. The book running upstairs on whether I would pass out or not, and if so how far in was an epic fail, no passing out involved at all. Epic fail for the pro-fainters.

That was the highlight of my first week.

I don't want to talk about it...

But my biological clock is ticking. Very loudly.

I am scared shitless.

I'm loving it

Started new hospital on Monday

Its brilliant. I pulled a 12.25 hours shift, and wasn't knackered when I was home. The work is interesting, faster paced and the staff are lovely. They are actually human.

Sorted out shifts for the week and not back in again until Saturday/Sunday. Then I have two days off and not in again until Wednesday. The shift pattern is brilliant, it means that I actually have some time off to have a life out side the work.

Only problem is that I still don't know about the travel arrangements. I got a taxi in on my first day, and thought I would walk on the way back to find the bus stop that the number 9 drops me off at. Ended up walking 40 minutes into Paisley town centre. Ah well

Have resolved to try and get the bus in on Saturday and try and work out whats going on.

This shift this week also means I will miss this weeks driving lesson. Bollocks.

Other news: Have managed to shift some pounds over the past few weeks, just trying to eat a bit better. Weigt is now what it was before I went on Holiday. Keep meaning to try and get hold of Cambridge woman and start back on that but have been stupid busy the past wee while. Resolved to start w/c 08/09/2008 back on Cambridge to shift my weight away.

Husbands had a wisdom tooth extracted. Much pain and moaning.

Thats it really.

Update. Short version.

Broken silence at placement and now whats happened is that my final report will contain a critism that my mentor feels is appropriate. Apparently, I'm fantastic with the residents and families, very patient and polite etc etc etc, and this has been mentioned to the staff. Its the staff that she feels are "my issue". After a very long and frankly pointless discussion because she just didn't seem to comprehend where I was coming from said "Well nursings a bitchy profession and you'll just have to toughen up". Nice.

"Its not me. I don't care that they are talking about meto each other for reason X, I do care however when that tranfers over to patient care, and it means that this supposed "standard" that I'm supposed to aspire to doesn't seem to apply to everyone else" says I.
"Well I will be mentioning it in your final report"
"Thats fine, I'll be mentioning my side too. I have taken on what you've said and I thank you for the guidance, however I don't feel supported here, I appreciate that you have family commitments and thats why you are part time, but if the substitutes that I'm paired with can't answer why I'm doing procedure X, then who am I supposed to ask?"

Anyway long story cut short (I'll no doubt update you with the long version at a more convenient time) is that I shouldn't have been asking questions about the work I was doing to Care assistants as they felt uncomfortable. Problem is my mentor was hardly ever in, and I was continuously paired with Care Assistants. Which I was fine with until I discover with 10 days to work that they have an issue with it.

Off to a more local hospital as of next Monday. One week to go where I am at the moment. Working compressed hours tomake up the day that I called in with a migraine because I was a ball hair away from jacking the whole thing in to go work in Asda and have a baby instead.

Yes I am also broody in to the equation and this month was a combination of crushing disappointment, relief and "what the hell was I thinking?". Plus nothings really changed at home so I've really got to try and make my peace with that too.

Away to catch up on my emails now.

Depressed

Utterly fucking depressed.

I don't want to talk about it, but I might be off-line for a few days until I get myself together.

I never asked to be liked, only to have a fair placement. You ask questions and they close ranks thinking you are questioning how they work (I assume). You refuse to perform illegal lifts and they tell you you are lazy. You hear them talking about you to patients, I don't give a flying fuck if they talk about me to each other, but to the patients is an entirely different ballgame.

"You're never alone on placement"? My muttony arse. I refused to cry yesterday on placement, instead waiting till I was home and eating my own bodyweight in chips and pickled onions. Damned if they see me cry. So stay happy, perky and above all helpful at all times, until I'm out of grounds and then I'm utterly dejected.

Completely scunnered, have placement details for the next placement and although I was initially wary am now just looking forward to getting out.

For for the next wee while I'm sorry guys, but its a wee bit of radio silence until I formulate what to do.

Haw! Mutton-arse!

Today has been the day from hell legit. Now this is a long post so be prepared.

Wake up, get showered and leave the house to catch the bus.

Just rounding the corner and I see my bus pulling away from the bus stop. Fuck.
Have to wait half a hour for the next one, so think "I'll phone placement and let them know I'll be a bit later in". Realise I have forgotten my mobile. Then realise as I am hunting for the phone that I have forgotten my keys.

Bus arrives, and Polish couple try to push on in front of me. Not having it so I push on in front of them. Bus driver then argues with me that my bus pass is not a bus pass. I point out that it says "ARRIVA 4 WEEK PASS" and the valid to and from dates. He tells me not to "get fucking lippy" or I'll be removed from the bus. At this point I ask him if he's fucking joking because seriously this is not a good day. Now I sit down and the bus ride begins.

Get seat on bus and begin to doze. Wake up to realise that my lunch of sandwiches is missing and so is my fruit. This is because the contents have rolled out the bag and were currently doing a tour of the bus. The most I could do is watch the Mexican wave of people jumping as my tangerines savage their ankles.

Manage to jump off bus 23, and change to bus 300 to get along to hospital. Bus driver of 300 tells me its £1.50 AFTER I've shown him my pass. I say "I have a pass" and he says "I can see that". Okay then. Sit down and continue my wonderful journey.

Get into ward 10 minutes late (good going I thought). Over the course of the day I drop various items of cutlery, 2 plates, get told to strip the wrong beds and get told the canteen is shut at lunchtime (and as I have no lunch due to its escaping have to buy some) and buy a salad only to realise it closed TOMORROW and not today.

So finish my shift, bus home is late. Bus home is a nightmare with alternatively being kicked by some wee schemey lassie and elbowed in the ribs (after I've moved seats) by some man reading a paper. Lose the rag after asking the man to move across a wee bit, he refuses, so I elbow him back in the ribs. All the way to Paisley, dig for dig.

So finally reach Paisley. Have an argument in Somerfield with some lassie who thinks that because she has a baby in a pram entitles her to push my shopping up the conveyor belt to put hers on first. I point the back of the queue is that way. "Naw". "Move your stuff or I'll move it for you" she then asks me "What my problem is", now by this point I have had it. I tell her my problem is her, and people like her acting like they can do what they like and nobody says anything. So move your fucking stuff. A security guard is called. She moves her stuff.

I get home and start cooking dinner. Get rice on. Start to open the chicken that I bought in Somerfield. Realise it has a use by date of yesterday. Perfect.

Given up and phone chinese to go with the boiled rice.

Currently watching E.R. And trying not to lose the rag more than I already have.

Not a good day and I've not even told you about the driving lesson on Sunday during which I mounted the pavement, got lost and clipped a car at 8mph. I discovered that pillows are good for sleeping on, but also burying your face in and screaming.

You likeh Irish gerls?

So husband and I stoating about down the harbour, looking to book a boat trip for the next day. We see a glass bottomed boat, wander up to look for a sign for prices, leaving times, length etc when up pops an Irish girl. She proceeds to give up a brief run down of the boat, trip, lunch provided etc.

Then up pops the boat owner who proceeds to try the hard sell. "We givah launch. Yes We givah dreenks" in nothing but a pair of very small speedos. And this was a hefty bit of a guy, belly so big you weren't actually sure he had bottoms on until he started dancing at us.

Then another two Irish girls appear, wearing not a lot of clothing. Bikini's looking like butchers string.

The man then turns to Paul and asks "Where you froam?"
"Glasgow,Scotland" replies Paul
"Excellent! Glasgow and Irish Gerls almost same! You likeh? You like Irish gerls? I make sure serving you drinks mr man" Thats when his dancing started "Dance gerls! dance for man and lady"

I decided to leave as the pimping of the Irish gerls was getting a bit much for me at this point, and Paul was just looking horrified.

ow ow ow ow

Sunburn of doom.

Paul and I were swimming in the sea yesterday. Swallowed about a gallon of saltwater, it appears that whilst I may be super talented at most other things, I cannot appear to co-ordinate myself adequately to snorkel.

Also chucked up all over the boat loo (it appears that I don't do boats) and then "took a whitey".

Then I got sunburnt. All over my arms this time, because after said "whitey" I was shoogling everywhere and just wanted to get back to the apartment, so forgot to reapply factor 50 after swimming.

I did like the sea swimming, but apart from that it was a bit of a nightmare yesterday. We didn't go out for dinner, instead we popped to local shops (not just for local people) and I had GIANT butterbeans, bread, greek yoghurt and honey. And some cookies. We then watched Nacho Libre (mmmm, undecided) and crashed out early. Up earlyish this morning and sat on the balcony with a book, toasting lightly (with sunblock this time)

Paul is brown. Not quite nutlike but more sunday roast.

Fly back tomorrow and will touch down in Glasgow about 2 in the morning.

Whopa!

Good afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen.

Quick update as will update proper when back.

Its hot. Very hot. Temps currently ranging from 38 - 42 degrees at the moment.

I managed to forget to sunblock my back as changed outfit at last minute, was in sun for less than an hour and my back is a lovely shade of lobster. You can see where I have blocked down to, as its standing out in white relief. No tan anywhere else. Husband has a bit of colour roundabout his chops. No burning though, factor 50 coping well.

Our apartment is lovely, clean and basic. Has cooking facilites except when you go out the aprtment the electric goes off, thus rendering the use of a fridge utterly useless.

Lounging by the pool. Drinking iced coffees, cocktails and loads of water. Local restaurants are lovely. Really lovely.

View from the apartment balcony is stunning. We are on a hill, so have a cracking view of Hersonissos and the sea. What a sight to wake up to. The sky at night is stunning, pitch black full of stars and the moon last night was blood red, Husband very impressed.

So far dont want to come home :0(

Try not to miss me too much

Have bought a camera so will be taking photos.

Oh happy days - although Husband is already moaning about the heat and we haven't even left yet.

And we're off...

Husband phones at 12pm to advise we can go on holiday, but only if we book something leaving this week. Great, that gives me oooh 3 days to find something.

At 1:30pm I have bought a weeks holiday in Crete, leaving THURSDAY not tomorrow as blonde travel agent advised (Side note did you know that the "blonde/blond" spellings are one of only a few words in the English language that have retained the original French spelling?).

Anyway, into Primark for some £1 tee shirts, cases packed, sunscreen purchased FACTOR 50+ for the win folks, and insect repellent etc etc.

Looking forward to it.

Oh the injustice of life.. Hic!

Right bear with me, all will become clear... I want to book a holiday. Can't because husband cant nail down time off work. He was supposed to ask for this week off, but can't so this weeks holiday is away. Might be flying out on the 31st instead. 7 nights in Crete. Ya dancer. Or not because if he doesn't move quick on the holiday time off, we're going nowhere.

And I also started knitting jumper for wee sis Christmas, and its lovely, dark denim blue colour with cream striping, and a touch of lilac. Wrap style top in a ribbed tube for the body. Minimal weaving, no seaming and provisional cast on. Anyway boring knitting stuff over. I get to a certain point in the pattern and discover that I don't have the right sized needles in the house. So I traipse into John Lewis. Who have every size of needle except the one I need "Thats an unusual size". No,no its not, John Lewis. So off to EBAY. I am now stuck in knitting limbo waiting for EBAY to deliver my needles. Vagaries of the postal service ahoy

So I decide to tidy up the drinks cupboard. I have a substantial drinks cupboard as we always bring back drink from holiday, people give us stuff and we rarely tan into it. So I have polished off the remnants of Smirnoff and a bottle of tonic water. I am pished. I now also have the super steaming munchies and the co-ops shut. The petrol station is too far away for drunk wanderings. Or is it? No it is. Really. I'm starving. I don't even like Vodka, but I take one for the tidying team. Go team tidy.

Here, my typings rather impressive when guddled.

Attack of the stupid student

So I get all of the work handed into uni that I'm supposed to. Score 1 clever student point.

Gave dog leftover Chinese. Now some of you may not think this is a good idea, but this is the same dog I caught eating a slice of blue mould pizza put of someone elses bin out the back. However it was not actually a good idea and dog now has upset stomach and because it was noodles, dog is passing undigested noodles. I panic and think "WORMS OHMIGOD OHMIGOD OHMIGOD", start flapping hands about like some sort of Jazz Hands festival and realise that no, its just noodles. Minus 10 stupid student points.

The go to Erskine to make up day on placement. Realise half way up the drive to the hospital that I've came on the wrong day. Minus 50 stupid student points.

So far I am on -59 stupid student points.

Bought myself new trainers today as my other ones are not only worn through at the sole, I've managed to wear them through on the inside and detach the whole front of them from the rubberry bit that hold the shoe onto the sole. Very clown shoe-esque.

Since none of you EVER email me, or even comment anymore, I am enclosing a picture of my new shoes to tempt you with thier shiny goodness. They have that new shoe smell, well obviously since they are new shoes.



Oh and I might be going on Holiday for a week. Somewhere shiny and sunny. Not decided where yet. Husband says he's committed to the idea, but any destinations I suggest are "Mmmm"

Procrastination. Thy name is Marri

Am procrastinating on so much. Had two days of catch up work in uni to do. Thats 5 pieces of written work. Due tomorrow, in a your arse is toast kind of way. I've done one. So going to spend today frantically typing my fingers into stubs so I can get them emailed away. I know I have 4 pieces to write, and yet I'm on here, wittering away gaily. I'm trying to convince myself I work better under pressure.

Also on the weight loss front...

Remember I did Cambridge and lost 2.5 stone? Vowed to eat healthily so I wouldn't put any back on? Well.... 6 months of uni based lattes, chips, bacon rolls, vending machines, and takeaways has put paid to that idea. Put 1.5 stone back on. IDIOT! Belive it or not, 7lbs of that just appeared in a week and my uniform was feeling a bit tight.

But alas it means back to the drawing board and that I now have 12 weeks on Cambridge to do. Its either that or 21 weeks of solid dedication on Weight Watchers, which just now is not my bag. So Cambridge it is. Managed to shift 10lbs last week (well 9.5 really but my tracker rounds up). So I'm putting it at the top of the page so you can say "OOOh you're doing really well" or "You fat bastard"

Enough distraction. To academia.

The weathers horrible isn't it?

All right, I'm going, I'm going!

Houston, We have a latex failure

Not in the strictest sense of the word the latex's fault, but I did manage to end up with pee all over my right hand today. Empying a mans catheter bag, as you do. Its really really full. The urine is really smelly and bloody. He has a urine infection at the moment.

So, clip off the intermediate bag. Remove the night bag from the stand. Hold the free end of the night bag in my left hand. Man says something. I lean forward and say "What?" and at this point, lean against the night bag ever... so ... slightly. The urine comes running back up the tube and out inside my right glove.

Not my most pleasant day ever.

Sitting comfortably? Take a nice deep breath and

AAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!

Pain in the ass town. Population 1.

AAARRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!

Roll on Friday.

Fuck sake.

AAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!

Well hello Miss July...

*wink* [cue Rocky Music] Baa da Duuuum....

This is really just a pointless waffling post (but then aren't they all?) about me. ME.

I have resolved no more half-arsing about with my PCOS. I'm going to kick its spotty hairy fat arse. New regimen.

1. I will take my herbal supplement. Agnus Castus, 3 tablets in the morning. 1.2g effective dose.
2. I will take my Metformin 3 times a day.
3. I am now off the combined pill. No masking hormones, no mood swings. In replacement of this I will remember my Agnus Castus
4. I am starting diet again as of Saturday
5. I have renewed gym membership for another 4 months. That was if I can't get to the gym after placements its only 4 months and not a year of subscriptions.
6. I'm off the sugar. Only sugar is fruit sugar or stevia. Sugar is not my friend in this.

My PCOS is really kicking my arse just now and I'm not having it. I'm really losing a lot of hair, its now quite thin and I'm shedding a handful a day. Easily. You can now see the shape of my head under lights. No fucking more.

It makes me fat, spotty, hairy, tired, infertile, moody, and depressed. Its not having my fucking hair aswell.

Why do I want to be a nurse?

Well my answer used to be because I like to help people. I used to find people interesting. I might not always like them but I always liked people watching. Plus I'm nosy. Nosiness is a necessary trait in a nurse. If any of you know nurses, they will be nosy.

Note "I used to find people interesting". I have now come to the conclusion people are poo factories. Every person I got up today pooed the bed. And themselves. It was one of those days, but one of those days that confirms my new found belief people are just alive to make poo. Mostly I think to make me inwardly go "Aw shit. WHYYYYY?!?!?" but outwardly rub thier arm, tel them it doesn't matter, these things happen and set about cleaning it up.

Nurses are also liars. Nosy liars.

Its been a rough day. I'm off to bed to get up at 5 am again. This morning I was stuck on the bus with 2 girls who couldn't have been more than 16-17 going to Erskine. At 6:30 in the morning they were working thier way through a 3 litre bottle of cider, sing "Mr Lover man SHABBA!", discussing how much they pure like actually loved thier boyfriends and practicing sex noises. I prayed they would get off at Braehead but no such joy. All the way to Erskine. They asked me "'Scuse me, do you have the time" "No" I replied (no watch and had left phone in house) "Aye alright ya miserable cow". At this point I lost it "Who the fuck are you talking to (I know, I know). I've no watch" pulls back sleeves to show bare wrists "and I've no mobile. So no I don't have the time"

"Aye awright. Sorry"

I spent the next 20 minutes gleefully imagining some terrible fate befalling them. Pains in arses.

Boring update alert

Bought 2 snails for the fish tank. They eat the algae. They are amazing. They just mince about munching thier way across the tank. Highly entertaining.

Went out for dinner and a film tonight. I say dinner, I really mean a McChicken Sandwich and a McFlurry. The film "The Happening", not as entertaining as was hoped. I blame Paul. I wanted to see "Mongol" as I think it looks amazing but it wasn't on til 9 which is my bedtime these days.

So on that note goodnight.

My hands will never be clean again

Thats pretty much it.

Left Erskine at 8pm, home for 10pm. "reasonable travelling time" my arse.

Knackered, no social life, smelly and spend most of my spare time asleep. And I love it. Phoned takeaway when home as he wont cook, and I can't be arsed.

"Yes madam. And where are you?"
"I'm in the flat"
"No Madam. I mean address"

Idiot when I'm tired.

I'm not pregant. I'm just really fat

My face is squinty. Well, I say squinty, its just that I am so tired my eyes are looking like slits, and one more than the other. So I look squinty.

Doctor says to me "You look tired"
"Well spotted. Thats because I am"

So tired, dizzy and breathless. I also have been feeling faint on occassion. So me and the doctor go though the whole "last period/three weeks ago/how was it?/normal/well lets just do a pregnancy test/ but it will be negative/well lets just do it anyway/oh look its negative. Right lets get some bloods then" circus

Testing for aneamia, diabetes, and hypothyroidism.

So they send me for blood tests and I look like some sort of smack victim. All black and blu because phlebotomist couldnt find a vein (thats my story and I'm sticking to it)

Blood results come back. I am disgustingly healthy apart from a slightly e;evated blood sugar. So back this morning for a fasting glucose test.

Probably come back normal, and they will pin it on my PCOS again. Tell me to take my insulin and lose more weight.

They also might be pulling me off the pill as my blood pressure is too high. 3 month presciption only this time with a warning with no further packs to be issued due to BP. Which is fine. I don't care. I hate the pill anyway. Actually thats a lie. I hate my body more.

Went to see another house.

This time no work needing done, and around the corner from the other one we saw 2 weeks ago. The downstairs is massive, the only problem is upstairs is a bit tighter than we imagined. We actually wouldnt be able to get our bed upstairs unless we knocked a fake wall down.

So we'd be downstairs facing the front of the house. Have shelved that one. Plus its been on the market since March, and all of a sudden the estate agent phones approx 12 hours after our viewing to tell us that there has been an offer put on the table so we'd better move quick. I declined but said I hope they get a move soon, lovely couple. Estate agent said "I'll get back to you and let you know what they've decided". No idea what's going on.

In other news dragged Paul into uni on Monday with me to get him out, as spent all weekend in house. He LOVES Paisley. He thinks its lovely and is browsing the GSPC for houses. I told him I think he's mental basing a current living address on one bus trip and a cup of tea and a slice of cake. But what do I know.

I nearly vomited in a residents room yesterday. The guy should be on a dementia ward, but he's on ours. Went in to feed him mashed scrambled egg with brown sauce, which was already a boak-fest on its own. only to find he'd filled his continence pad and then painted the walls, the bed and himself with it. Operation clean up began. Then he vomited. I almost released breakfast.

There are no words...

Just been woken up thismorning at 7:30 or there abouts by a woman screaming. Thought I was dreaming initially, but opened eyes and the was still screaming. And banging. And a mans voice shouting.

Then the screaming turned into "God no! Noooo! Someone help me. Please HELP me!" and she remained screaming "help me!" over and over again whilst I was window hanging and trying to work out where its coming from phone in hand. Getting dressed at same time, lifting a pair of latex gloves and mouth protector just in case. She's still desperately pleading "Help me" and by this point he's shouting "shut up". A baby starts wailing, and then a door slams. Everything goes quiet.

Debate to run out front door to see where the guys left from, or out the back to check a close door or two and see if I can hear anything from inside a flat.

Run out the back door in bare feet. Silence. Dead Silence. I can't even hear a baby crying anymore.

Wait for about 20 minutes outside, checking the odd close, and then come back in.

I'm shaking. I don't even know why I'm writing this here. [edit: Paul has asked me remove the stuff here, as he felt it was a "bit much]

Oh Christ I'm a mess. I feel so guilty and yet there was nothing I could do. I wonder if she and her baby are okay. I hope they are. All I can still hear is "Help me. Please help me" in my head. There are no words to express just how shaken I am at the moment.

Going for a shower and a cup of tea. And a valium. I won't be able to sleep now for the rest of the day.

I am so tired,

My life is shit. Literally shit. I clean it, I look at it, I note it up. Then I come home and walk the dog and pick it up again. Spent today wrist deep in the stuff and no, I am not joking actually wrist deep if I had place gloved hand into pile.

Anyway, IN OTHER NEWS:

Had an issue with leaving patient naked whilst bed bathing, felt could have at least covered bottom half whilst bathing top, just you know, I think that regardless of age you should respect the boaby, just saying like.

Got soaked taking another patient into the shower. Thats a serious design flaw right there.

Had to perform search and rescue for one patient who was trying to make bolt for the door. In his wheelchair. "Where is X?" "He was in dinig room a few minutes ago" "Ah bugger. Right you check that end". As he was going to "Aberdeen" (fictional city for confidentiality reasons)after assuring him he could not go to Aberdeen, telling staff nurse I had him, we took a wee dander around the hospital instead, and I asked him to help me work out where everything was as had just started. This was successful and he stopped trying to escape to Aberdeen. For now. Have no doubt will try to escape again tomorrow.

Managed to get there for 7:40 am though, which is good going I think. Leave house at 6.

Left hospital at 3:30 today and got home by 5:10. So just shy of 4 hours travelling time. Going to bed in like 18 minutes as utterly exhausted. Fell asleep on bus in what can only be described as coma.

I am going to be a whippet the time I finish in here. Its constantly hot, so you are drinking loads. Sometimes the work is scunnering. The time you do get around to eating, I'm shattered and thirsty. So drink more again. Sweaty thirsty and shattered.

Husband gets a "FAIL" card tonight as he is away on management team thing. So I have to walk the dog. Which doesn't sound like much but seriously cannot emphasise just how tired I am. Do you know he's had the cheek to put me on "Wife Points"? I get points for making him breakfast. nice dinners, acts of kindness and carnality. I get point deducted for cheek, back talk and failure to obey whims. I think this is what I get the points for as asking how to earn points gets you points deducted as "I should already know". Its like matrimonial Eurovision.

Oh aye, I passed all my exams and coursework. Only that shitty 42% one annoying me. Am actually temptred to resubmit as its annoying me that much. Its a C but its rubbish.

I know I have control issues and can be academically hard on myself, I expect at least a B. If I get 96% I wonder where I went wrong for the other 4%, but seriously 42% ? I also award myself a FAIL card. Was going to reward self with a massage. Not now. Am away to whip self with dog leash or something.

"That's not my name" *Clap Clap Clap*

as per the Ting Tings.

"Hi, I'm student nurse Marri, due to report at 12. First year"
"Oh. We expecting a second year Zoe McKechnie"
"Nope. Definately not Zoe McKechnie"
"Are you sure?"

That out of the way I then get told by a wee man that he "could DROWN in lips like that". Oh Right. I always thought it was eyes you droont in, but hey I'll take whats coming in any shape or form.

Exam results are in. So far passed 4/5, awaiting 5th result. Dissapointed just scraped a 42% pass on one essay. I don't know how as tutor was giving it "Its really good" and "Doesn't need much more work", yet the ones I DIDN'T show her got 65% and 71%. How does that work?

Going to try and make it in today after placement to pick up comment sheets to see exactly what happened.

And by the way, 5am wake up times do not improve my mood. Well maybe they do as I'm too knackered to so anything but function.

What? WHAT IS IT?!!?! For God's sake... I'm sorry. *Wail*

Oh. Mood swings you say?

Right first of all this is an apology. I'm sorry I've been a moody cow recently, and I really have been. I am mood swinging like a bitch at the moment. And I really am a bitch. I'm RAGING at everything. People cutting me up in the street, I want to push them through shop windows. Phone rings mid-Eastenders, I want to rip it out the wall and throw it out the window. Instead I answer and if its not important arrange to phone back after programme is finished. Then when I've finished being raging I'm crying.

Today went something like this:

Wake up. Happy. Plan to take dog walk to park for a couple of hours
Leave house with dog
Home. Fed up walking dog
Cry because I'm a lazy cow.
Make toast, watch a bit of TV.
Wake Paul up with plans to go to shops and cinema.
Throw a shit fit at Paul for something wee and stupid (I think he offered me a cup of tea). Again. Refuse to go to cinema, or indeed leave the house. Calm down, apologise for being complete cow.
Go to shops. Get shopping. Manage to remain mostly okay, apart from when checkout girl tried to make polite chit chat about dog food and all I wanted to do was tell her to shut the fuck up and get on with the scanning. Exchanged polite chit chat and waited for taxi home instead.
Get home unpack shopping. Go mental at Paul for leaving fridge open whilst unpacking bags.
Calm down and apologise again.
Burst out crying.
Paul makes me lunch/dinner. I get annoyed because he asks me to get plates out.
We watch TV. I burst out crying because judge on Britains got Talent said no to a wee guy. Its a repeat
Go for a nap on couch to try and get a grip.
Wake up.
Watch film on TV. Spend next 2 hours crying. Give up on using bog roll for crying and resort to hand towel instead.
Get annoyed with Paul because he tried to cuddle me.
Cry again.

Fuck sake. Its been like this for the past week or so. Constantly. Up down, up down, up down. I feel alright in myself like, just a bit of an emotional rollercoater. Have explained to Paul that I'm a bit, well, batshit at the moment and to not go mental at me when I kick off. I don't mean it, although I know its still horrible. Its not him. Its me. It genuinely is me. Fucking pill/hormones/PCOS/me.

Happy Anniversary Hangover!!!

That's a lie. It's not really the reason that I have a slight hangover. It is however my anniversary! Yay go me! 2 down.

I'm now finished uni until FEBRUARY 2009.

I am basically out on continuous placement until then, barring having to repeat any coursework. , if I've failed any, which hopefully (please wee baby Jesus) I haven't.

Taking a dry run to Erskine on Sunday to see where I am going. I found out that the "15 minute walk from bus stop to hospital" is only to the front gates of the hospital. Apparently there is then a further 10 minute walk to get to the actual ward I am on. Fuck sake. I am going to be a whippet by the time I've finished there in 12 weeks time. Day plan goes like this:

5 am: Wake up, shower, breakfast, walk dog.
6 am: Leave house
6:20 am: Arrive at Govan bus stop having walked for 20 minutes
6:25 am: Get on bus from hell.
7:44 am: Arrive at Erskine Bargarran bust stop.
8:10 am: Arrive Hospital Grounds
8:20 am: Arrive at ward, change into uniform
8:30 am: Commence shift
5:00 pm: Finish shift
5:45 pm: Get on bus home
7:15pm: arrive home
7:30pm: eat soup. Die from exhaustion. Straight to bed. Do not pass go, Do not collect pumpin'

And thats me for the next 12 weeks (well 7 including 5 week break in the middle). THE HUMANITY!

I think the programming office is run by the Keystone Cops of admin. A bunch of us found out that the reason we are all posted so very far away, is that some of us who ticked "NO" to "Do you drive?" have actually been entered onto the system as "YES". This is not helpful. I have not checked wether I am on of the unfortunate bunch. Its too late to change me anyway.

Oh. My. God. Its hideous

Seriously. Mind I said initially I would offer £76K? I must have been mental.

They have lowered the ceiling in the bathroom, which if you peel back the plastic fence skylight riddled with damp, all the roof strappings broken. This might not mean theres a problem with the roof right enough, it could mean its just been broken from the inside. It does mean that we would have to either fix this strapping removing the dropped ceiling. Leaving a big high bathroom. This is not so bad

There were were cockroaches. Dead ones.

Its nicotine stained

The garden needs skipped.

Upstairs smells of wee.

They have wallpapered the ceiling, I think this is to hide cracks in the plaster.

Light fittings are taped to the ceiling with black tape

Looking at the toilet walls are like being on acid,"Tiled" bathroom. Aye its tiled but no two are on the same level.

Its a green bathroom suite, and the toilet bowls cracked, and been plastered. Lovely.

The kitchen tiles are falling off. The kitchen needs skipped.

Theres wires hanging out walls and built in kitchen cabinets upstairs instead of built in wardrobes.

But the piece de resistance. They have built a "conservatory". On plywood and bricks. Its a green house that comes up half way on the living room windows, and cuts off half the light. You step into it via a sliding door held on by a nail and the whole thing moves. It wobbles. Because its on plywood and bricks. Not a lot of bricks. I think about 4 in total. I doubt this has been approved with planning permission.

Its immense. I am hoping though still to get a survey done, as I think it does have potential, but its a room at a time job. If the survey comes back clear I'll hedge an offer in for £65K. I am quietly optimistic about this as everyone else that came in got as far as the kitchen and walked out again.

News update

Right me and Paul have seen a house. O/o £69,500, price contingent on the fact that it needs gutted. Needs a new kitchen, bathroom, all new decorated, and carpets (including for the 30' by 13' lounge), garden has two massive trees that need removed. Thats not including things like garden needs done too (generally over grown/full of rubbish), new front door(s) and it needs double glazed (has old metal frame windows) and this is all pre survey.

I was willing to go to £76,000 based on the house across the road is in walk in condition and is up for F/P £108,000. Estate agent has told us that whilst there has been some interest re viewings no-one was even willing to consider a bid as "It needs too much work done" as its not been touched for 20 - 25 years but the seller wants at least £82 - 85,000.

So do I wait for survey to show we are serious, stick in the bid for £76,000 based on the fact the house needs all the above work done, and the market is somewhat slow at the moment, hope no-one else gets in and keep pour fingers crossed? Or up the offer? I'm really not keen to up the offer based on the amount of work that needs done and this is pre-viewing (I climbed over neighbours fence on Sunday to have a peek around garden and look in windows)

Oh decisions decisions. Although I think that I'm going to stick to the £76 and see how it goes, because once we put an offer in it then has to go to closing, and no-one else seems willing to put a bid in. Yet.

Hopefully a viewing this week.

Eeeeeee!

*Squeals with excitement*

I might have news for you in a couple of weeks. Stay tuned.

Raging. Actually RAGING

Right. Theres a girl on our course who it would appear is not the full shilling, Lets call her "May" for the sake of discussion. And no its not me. She has fallen out with one of the other girls in our group. Now this happened 5 weeks ago. First I heard of it was today. So this tells us its either a) not a hot topic of conversation, or, b) I'm seriously out of the gossip loop. Either way I don't care but its relevant as it strengthens my position. Read on.

Now on Tuesday we are all in lecture except May and another group member (NN2). May and NN2 come in for part 2 of lecture.

I now get news today that May has alleged (yesterday) that we were all talking about her on Tuesday, and shes really upset, and paranoid and feels we are bullying her (This is me, NN1 and NN2). What the actual Fuck? 1. She was never mentioned on Tuesday. 2. She wasn't in lecture so how could she "personally" hear what we were supposedly talking about. 3. She was sitting 3 rows in front of us, so unless she's went and had bionic woman hearing fitted I don't see how she could hear. 4. How could NN2 be involved in this when they were actually away for coffe together before rejoining for second part of lecture?

Just to make it clear we were not talking about her in any way, shape or form. She was never mentioned, not even in passing. She has now unleashed the Fury. The Fury of Me. Bear in mind I text her to check she's no had a breakdown in the time off, get notes when she's off, and check on her if she's walked out a lecture to the toilet and has been gone for a length of time. We all do. Why? I wonder that myself now.

No fucking way am I getting accused of victimisation and harrassment, especially when I've not done anything. Am so angry am having to resist urge to pull her aside and tell her to get a grip. She is now studiously avoiding one of the other girls accused who has tried to phone her to see what the problem supposedly is and has dogged uni for 2 days. I'm steering well clear. I can actually ignore someone for 3 years.

I'm going to see my tutor tomorrow to get my side in. May has already been brought to the attention of the uni previously due to coping issues with personal life and course, so uni are onside. No way am I letting this spiral out of control/escalating to an official complaint if it hasn't already. The buck stops here.

And I mean it. She can go copulate vigourosly with herself with the raggedy end of a pineapple if she thinks I'm taking this.

See what happens? You try to be nice and it bites you in the arse. Fuck this. I'm going back to being the wierd anti-social goth who doesn't talk to anyone. Fuck this social shit.

Erskine. Where the feck is Erskine?

Seriously? Does anyone even read this anymore?

They have changed my placement. I now have to go to Erskine. Erskine Hospital. On public transport for 7 weeks. Outstanding planning there guys. Moan moan moan moan.

Its going to take me at least a hour travelling on the bus, assuming that I dont miss any of the 2 connecting buses or that none of them are running late, and then I have the 15- 20 minute walk from the bus stop to look forward to.

Fuck this I'm car-jacking some poor bastard and making them drive me. Polis might get a bit suspicous after 35 days though. All 35 car jackings going to Erskine hospital. I might need to think this through again.

In other news we (me and a couple of lassies from uni) went to the wee fortune teller wummin' today in the Paisley centre. Apparently I am getting married soon! I pointed out I was already married. Apparently we are just renewing our vows... or something. This was after much discussion, am I scared he's going to leave me? "What him? Leave me? AHAHAHAHAHA!", okay then, are we not long married? "Define 'long'"... All she was missing was a rod and pole there was that miuch fishing going on.

And I'm having not one but 2 babies. First ones a boy. Other unknown. One in the next 2.5 years, but I have to get my studying finished first. When I pointed out that this was a 3 year course, apparently thats fine as I would just be getting pregnant in the next 2.5 years leaving me time to finish the course and have baby! I admit at this point I was ashamed of doubting the mighty Petrona and her mystical time management skills.

Apparently (I have also turned into my sister due to over-use of the word apparently it would seem) I am also moving house (time frame unmentioned), I am not going to win any money, I'll always have to graft (ah well), I worry about my mum (who doesn't worry about my mum?) and me and Paul are going to be together til we die. Yay.

OMG! I can die happy

I bought a set of these today, HOW CUTE ARE THEY?

I mean seriously - LOOK AT THEM!

They are salt and pepper shakers, and they are CUDDLING. CUDDLING SALT and PEPPER.

Never mind "Hannah's Gift", see if you don't go "awww" or even "eeeee!!" then you have no soul.

This week

has so far been uneventful. Putting last weeks kipper escapade behind us, Paul and I had a quiet Sunday. I rattled about the house bored again on Monday, Redecorated mums bathroom on Tuesday. There was plastering of the ceiling involved, so I need to go back up again at some point, plaster the last wee bit and sand out the tramlines, and then paint the ceiling. Wee brother decorated it for a her a couple of eeks back. Now my mum is a purist and likes white bathrooms. Just white. She'll throw it out a wee bit and go for some coloured lino but thats as far as she'll cross the adventure line.

Wee bro painted it beige. I say beige think more tan. Tan emulsion. Everywhere, the walls, the ceiling, the doors, all the woodwork and he not only painted it tan/shitey colour he did it badly. There was paint all over the floor, the window, the toilet seat, and it was streaky. No second coat because he ran out of paint.

So after repainting the walls white, plastering the ceiling, painting all the woodwork, I then had to get down on my hands and knees and start chipping the paint off the lino, Bit by bit. With a brillo pad and a damp cloth. Fucking painful. Wee bro comes home and does his nut because he a) did a good job in the bathroom and b) he as going to replace the lino with red stuff. Red lino, in a tan bathroom. Oh. Oh dear.

After a brief argument which ended in my threatening to wallop him with mums wooden spatula if he didn't tidy his room, he ate all my ice cream nougats and declared that I'm an arsehole.

That may well be, but at least I'm an arsehole who can paint.

Out for lunch today, dunno what I'm doing tomorrow and hopefully Rock Band comes on Friday so will be able to drum on drumpads instead of air drumming. My cymbals and my base need work on their timing according to Paul.

My kitchen reeks of fishy

Its potentially my own fault. Approaching end of argument with Paul, during which I was making kipper on toast for breakfast. He bangs his fork on his plate. I have a sore head, I've had a migraine since Friday morning.

My response? I launched my plate of toasty kipper goodness across the kitchen.

Now my kitchen smells of fish. I however smell of mango body butter. So I don't really care.

Arsehole.

In other news... Thats been it really. Think I'll make a chocolate cake as an unofficial apology. He can have a bit if he admits he was wrong. If not, he can probably have a bit anyway, but I hope it gives him the runs.

Hello? Is it me you're looking for?

Aside from the Lionel Ritchie song I have stuck in my head, there has been one other adventure today.

Basically mum, sister and me off to Ikea today. Mum says she'll be around at 11. Turns up at 9. Okay. I say that I'll have to still get showered and walk dog. Mum says go for shower, and sister can walk dog, time management and all that jazz.

Get showered and dressed. Wait for sis. Wait. 40 minutes go by. This was only supposed to be a quick walk. Wee sis gets bag exhausted with an exhausted looking dog.

Turns out that whilst dog was off the leash in the enclosed park, wee sis was bending down to pick up dog poo, and dog ran away towards main road. Wee sis sprints after her thinking she's going to get run down. Instead dog hops on number 9 bus and driver closes doors and drives away.

Wee sis runs at bus frantically waving arms, bus driver refuses to stop bus as thinks is just trying to hop on late.

Wee sis has to chase bus for 1 stop and a set of traffic lights, where it stops and shout to driver. Driver opens doors. Wee sis explainsdog on bus. "Is there?" says he. Wee sis goes towards dog (who has decided to take a seat at the back looking out the window) who decides that this is a great game and tries to do runner OFF the bus.

Wee soul catches the dog and has to walk home with a very happy dog.

The worst bit is I had jokingly said on the way out "Theres a tenner in it for you if you lose her" Whoops.

Boop boop de boop

tum tee tum.

This is going to set the tone for the next 4 weeks. Why I hear you ask? Well folks thats because I'm off uni for 4 weeks. With nothing planned.

Have a few craft projects lined up to try and keep busy, but thats pretty much it.

Men are better than women. FACT

From Men are better than women.com. I'm sure this has to be a wind up. Surely? The guy has written a book called "Men > women". Women are not allowed to buy the book without a permission note from a man. They are not allowed to read it. You are not allowed to read his website. He hates feminists, believes all women are whores and that amongst other things, Germaine Greer is a c**t. Here are is top 10 reasons why men are better than women. . . I have condensed some of his points.

10. Men do not have Tourette Syndrome

I believe all women suffer from a mild and extremely localized form of Tourette Syndrome. The afflicted organ? Their tongues. That’s why women cannot shut their fucking mouths for ten seconds while adults are speaking around them. Their tongues are battling around in their mouths like drunken Vipers.

9. Men are not sponges

Women are social chameleons — or better yet: social vampires. Women walk into a situation and before you know it they’ve completely changed their wardrobe and mannerisms as if they’ve joined a fucking cult.

8. Women are racists

Women’s entire lives and social circles are based around hatred. Do they hate their boyfriends? Do they hate their wardrobe? Do they hate each other? Yes, yes and fuck definitely. Men don’t go in for that silly sort of nonsense. If we’re dissatisfied, we pick up and move out. Or we take our mighty man muscles and lift fucking mountains so the world looks exactly the way we want it to.

7. Men live less than women

The last thing a society needs is a bunch of non-contributing members laying around and sucking all the juice from the young. Men know this so they blast off from birth like shooting man stars — burning out ten years faster, but setting the whole night ablaze with manness. Women just kind of lie around like big fat pigs in big fat puddles of shit. Congratulations women. You really earned those rights!

6. Men write illegibly

Writing is stupid and an ineffective way to communicate. Men know this so they don’t give a shit about handwriting things

5. Jesus was a man

Whether or not you believe in Jesus, there is one fact you can’t argue with: he was a man. No religion anywhere has ever put a woman in charge of shit. That’s called dogma — man-dogma — and it means men are better than women.

4. Men wear watches

Do you know why men wear watches? It’s because there’s a limited amount of time in the day and men need to know how much of it there is so they can efficiently allocate their man ass kicking for the day. Women don’t wear watches; they wear bracelets. Women wearing bracelets is like dropping a bus of retarded kids off in front of a taffy pulling machine. They can just stare for hours and never get bored.

3. Boys destroy things

The only thing that has ever lifted our species out of the trees where we came from is our ability to destroy. Take paper: the cornerstone of the modern world. That was invented because man wanted to destroy trees and beat them into pulp. How about nuclear power? Men invented that too. Men are natural destructors.

2. Marriage is stupid

Marriage is 100% the fault of women. It was invented by men though! Did you know that? Marriage was invented because women were too busy whoring it out to fuck the only the guy who was paying their rent and feeding their fat asses French bon-bons every day. Men invented marriage as a way of telling women who they could and couldn’t fuck.

1. Men have penises

When it comes to being a man, being quick at identifying problems is tantamount to fixing them. In fact it’s tantamount-ier. Having a penis — in other words looking like a man and having man parts — is a man’s way of telling other men, ‘Hey. Look at me. I’m a man. I won’t fuck up whatever it is that you’re trying to do.

I am such an idiot!

Woke up this morning, and although I am off for 2 weeks, have to get up and go into uni for a 1.5 hour catch up class, as I missed it when I was off with Noro.

So get into uni 10 minutes early as its a lab. Go to the lab. Nope. No-one there. Go to floor 7 labs. Nope, no-one there either, check floor 5 just in case. Walk down 7 flights of stairs to lecture theatre. Lights are off. Turn lights on. Check timetable. Begin to panic as it definitely says Tuesday 29th April, 9am, skills labs. Aseptic Technique catch up.

Start walking back up to the labs. Maybe someone will be there by now. Panic most definitely setting in. Check phone 8:58. Shit. Going to be late. Start to run. Check phone again. 8:59. Look at stairs. 7 flights or the lift. Lift time could take ages. Oh shit Oh shit. Flip phone up to try and work out if I really am late late or just late. Stairs or lift? Stairs or lift. Shit shit shit shit...Hey....

Notice the date. Twenty feckin' second. Not the 29th. I'm a week early. Idiot.

Return home having wasted £2.60 on bus fare. Make porridge for breakfast. Plan dinner. Kick self for being unable to remember dates.

Sunday! Sunday! SUNDAY!

I am having yet another uneventful Sunday. Husband wants to have a lolly fight.

Lolly fight rules:

1. Opponents each get a lolly, the boiled sugar kind.
2. Opponents sook their lolly to make a lolly spear as quickly as possible.
3. Opponents jab each other with said pointy lolly and inflict sugary injury, whilst laughing uncontrollably.

I was unaware of this game, and only really knew of it when having refused an offer of a lolly (which I bought by the way, in a gesture of sweetie lovin') was typing away quite merrily on the intarwebs when I got stabbed in the side of the neck. Apparently If I'm not bleeding its not really sore... Now having exhausted the sugar lance he's created, I'm just getting poked with the soggy paper stick. Which is so much better...

Don't even get me started on the phone/bogey incident. Or the dog snotter incident (I caught him using the dog as a hanky)

Sale!

So we toddled along to Ike this morning to take advantae of the 21% off that they had going today, as a result we saved £150 on our couch/sofa bed! Result.

We also got the £0.95 breakfast and Paul had a bit of Daim cake.

So out to Ikea, shopped, fed and home by 9:40am. We is getting puir well guid at this time management carry on!

What else. Oh aye, Im off uni for 2 weeks now, then in for 2 weeks, then off for 5 weeks, and then out on placement for 26 weeks approx. Still no idea where I'm going yet hospital or indeed area wise. I could be anywhere in the Paisley area, or Vale of Leven, Greenock, Inverclyde or Oban.

Still no idea when uniforms are to be handed out. Starting to feel a bit unsettled now. All essays due in on 2nd May and biology exam is on the same day.NOW the panic is settling in which is daft as I have very little to do other than put finishing touches onto essays and then study for the Biology exam,which takes in 10 body systems in total.

We completed the personal cleansing and feeding class the other day, turns out I am okay at feeding and brushing teeth - bit more practice needed to feel comfortable. Good at washing faces etc, and bedmaking I kick ass.My ennvelope corners are great.

FLUBBADUBWOOF!

OOOOH. CRAZY ALERT!! Was out walking the dog the other day, mid afternoon, to the park for her daily doggy stuff when a wee man comes stoating up. "Aw wee dug. She's lovely" says he. I reply "Aye she is". So we get into a conversation about the dog, how old is she? I don't know we found her. Oh she's well looked after you can see that. Aye she's a sweetheart really. etc etc for about 10 minutes or so, general sane dog related chit chat. Then he asks what her name is. So I tell him. "Och! Thats not her real name" "Well it was Darcy on her collar" "OCH no thats not her real name either. Do you mind...?" I was thinking he's going to pet her, so say no. Because I genuinely didn't mind. Then he puts his hands either side of the dogs head, shuts his eyes and starts going "Hmmm. Yes. Mmmm. Right" all the while screwing up his face and looking like he's trying to lay a brown trout. Then bellows, in the middle of the street at full titlt "HER REAL NAME IS.. FLUBBADUBWOOF! FLUBBADUBWOOF! FLUBBADUBWOOF!".

So after making a not too hasty escape - he may have followed, he was beginning to look that sort of batshit mental - we toddled off home, the dog with a stick that she found for I know not what purpose. We have not rechristened her Flubbadubwoof, mostly because although she answers to it, she also answers to whatever insult we throw at her too.

These are Not Safe For Work (NSFW) but funny nonetheless. Try and have a wee swatch in private. On a computer in the corner. Talk nice to McDonald. http://www.wintrest.com/how-background-people-ruin-your-photos/
snicker
Giggle
shuffle shuffle snicker

That was the class today for 4 hours whilst we discussed the GIT (Gastro Intestinal Tract - which apprently is not inside the body, the body is simply wrapped around it) and because the GIT deals with digestion and ultimately poo. There was a lot of giggling, red faces and writing notes about poo to people. Not from me though. But seriously who would have thought 110 adults would have found poo quite so funny.

In other news, I was (obviously) back at uni today. Feeling much better as I thnk I slept for about a day straight after symptoms of horrible virus wore off. In bonus news, I have lost 7lbs in 3 days through just being no well. Every cloud has a silver lining and all that. Even bonusier is that I'm eating less naturally - without trying - so am hoping that helps the slow but steady weight loss along.

I have Norovirus

sitting on the loo to catch one end whilst holding the mop bucket because its the closest thing to hand. Other than your hands or the floor, or oneone close occasion the dog.

Am going to attempt some soup, as the boy wonder has quarantined me in the bedroom, with lots of orange dilutant juice and a basin. He's a soul really.

I pray for the little things, like the ability to walk to the loo, calmly sit down and go about my daily routine, as opposed to "Oh god." *stiff legged arse clenching walk*.

Anyway suffice to say that I can't go near uni for another 2-3 days(Wednesday is looking more liklely), I can't cook for wonderboy for 2-3 days (he's happy as a pig in shit because it means unlimited kebab, and I can't really shout at him from 2 rooms away) and I'm dreading eatning solids again. I feel the only reason that I've stopped vomming is because there is a lack of anything to vom.

So aye - how are you?

Essays, essays everywhere

Essays. This is why I dislike academic pursuits. I spent £73.97 on 3 books the other day, good all rounders mind you but still that stung the pockets a wee bit. Add to that the 10 books I got from the library, the 3 other course books I have here, plus the printouts, journals, and drafts of essays and you will realise that my Living room resembles Paper Mountain. Think Brokeback Mountain, its a lonley far away place where you are abandoned for much time with one significant other but much less sexin' than was in the film.

1.5 essays down, 2.5 to go. I have nubs for fingers. Had meeting with tutor to look over what I've done so far, she say they is good. Wee bit of tinkering on one, but nothing major and the other two should be fairly straightforward.

Next week is the feeding each other class. Oh. Oh dear.

Money: I hate money. Thats a lie, I love money its bills I don't like. Pauls on his final warning re electricity, as the leccy bill came in this morning and a quarter has just stung us for £232 shitty pence. Thats a grand a year in leccy if he doesn't reign in the 6 PC's he seems to need constantly running.

I know that I have inherited my mothers frugal gene, whilst he has inherited the live for today gene. Likewise I know that I'm frugal to the point of absurdity just now. Dinner for two nights running has been fried tinned potatoes, sausage and beans. Think poor hot pot, but the stuff needed used and I am NOT phoning for takeaways.

And then I find out that he's bought me a notebook for uni. I think notebook? But I have a notebook. Okay I'm nearly finished it, but I bought smart price pads at Asda last week for such an occasion, but its nice he thinks of me. Maybe its a "dear" £3 number from WH Smith (seriously folks my exitement bar is set low these days). Then he explains that no, its an electronic notebook like a laptop. Its dead good and only costs what I paid in electricity.

Oh fucksticks Paul, when will you learn?

For those of you who are interested

Here is the court judgement of the McCartney/Mills divorce**. Nicola, I'm sorry Boyzone didn't perform for you, but hopefully this will make for just as much entertainment.



http://www.judiciary.gov.uk/docs/judgments_guidance/judgment_180308.pdf

** yes, I am that bored. Its been a slow day.

Your money or your life. . .

so hatchet faced pirate Heather Mills got £24.3 Million (I called her a pirate cause she robs but not because she has a peg leg and am insulted you even inferred that).

All I can say is she must have been a pure ride because that's surely the most expensive shag Paul McCartney's ever had.

In other news, you never call, you never write, you never comment. I am officially in the huff.

Extra! Extra! read all about it.

This is going to be a long one so I have numbered it in sections.

1. Jake, the pigeon, has flown away. His tail grew in again, and he was released into the wilds of Govan. Jake (or as he became known in later days "That shitey arsed rat bastard") flew away at the weekend. Good job.

2. I got told to shut up in class because I said that a 40% grading to pass the degree was not only devaluing the degree itself, but introducing an attitude of acheiving the bare minimum to scrape by. So someone shouted shut up at the back of my head. I resisted the temptation to shout back "Naw! You shut it!" and instead said that it was disappointing that the person didn't feel the could articulate in sentences what they felt was wrong with my viewpoint. Lecturer asked said person to stay behind. I then got an apology after class saying it wasn't me they were shouting at they were asking the back to be quiet. I said, "I'm not meaning to sound dismissive, and I apologise if I do, but I really dont care. I'm not here to make friends, and if you were shouting at me, which I appreciate you say you weren't, then fine, fair enough, but some constructive argument would have been appreciated more,anyway funnily enough I couldn't hear a peep from the back of the class which was the only reason I heard you quite so clearly"

3. We have decided NOT to move house at the moment. Waiting til I qualify.

4. I have a mass of essays (4) to complete by May. Trying to get started on them now.

5. Learned about care of the Alzheimers patient today. Horrible progressive illness that it is.

And thats it. I'm sure that there was more but I've forgotten. I'll try and remember and update asap.

Okay heres the question

Following on from discussion in class and several coincidental articles in the Nursing Standard and Nursing Times, I would be interested to know if you personally have lost faith in the nursing profession. If you don't have a view on this personally, do you feel that society as a whole are losing thier sense of pride in nursing?

I would be interested to see comments explaining your picked answer, you are of course free to leave them anonymous if you wish, I'm just interested in canvassing opinion. It's not a witch hunt.

kthnxbi

I would make a great ninja...

...if only ninjas hid in toilets. Long and frankly messy story, but suffice it to say I hid in a cubicle for 15 minutes with my feet against the door in case anyone could recognise me from my shoes. I broke the toilet seat (accidentally) and then ran away when the coast was clear.

This weekend I made scones. 3 types, cheese, fruit and chocolate chunk. Ihaven't eaten any but suffice it to say they are lovely. I have yet to make treacle scones, as treacle scones are the daddy of all scone types.

I still have rash, turns out its my body metabolising the Metformin, and I also have stinky cold. Stupid people with thier germs.

In other news I am going to make cupcakes at some point this week. If you are interested have a look at some of the blogs of note I have included. All very lovely and tasty looking.

Am off on Monday but have to go argue with DFS re sofa for mum. Chancers.

Things wot I learned today

Today I learned about professional boundaries and the different types of abuse.
We looked at the professional code of conduct.

I also read an article in the Nursing Standard about Female Genital Mutilation (FGM). Apparently some women here do NOT know that FGM is illegal, and there is still an expectation for young women and girls to have this procedure carried out to ensure thier virginity is intact for thier husband. For those of you who do not know, FGM is the removal of the clitoris and the labia minora (inner labia) and sometimes the labia majora (outer labia) and the whole lot is stitched together leaving a small hole (sometimes matchstick sized) for menstration and urination. The operation is carried out without anaesthetic, with ceremonial knives or razor blades and there is little or no aftercare or pain relief afterwards. Children are subject to FGM from around age 4, and some start to train in "the trade" from age 5.

On her wedding night the bride is either "cut open" again to allow her husband access, or he simply will keep pounding away until he's in.

What amazes me is that there is a cultural expectation that this is the normal thing to do. Now, having had my interest raised on this, I have ordered a couple of books from t'internet for further reading. It's not really much to do with the course, but like I say, it makes for interesting reading, and given the large influx of immigration that we are having, especially from countries with a high muslim population, I think we might be seeing more of the after effects of it here. I would like to have a bit better knowledge so that if I do come across anything during my time looking at ladies bits, I won't be as fascinated (?) or gawpy but will hopefully have a better understanding.

So yeah, not really nursing related but interesting.

Oooh and I'll have a question type thingy for you all in a few days. Again curiousity given an artice in the Nursing journal, and the discussion that we had in class today afterwards.

AAARRRRGGGGHHHH!

In no particular order...
Stupid buses
Stupid Somerfield
Stupid armpits
Stupid neighbours
Stupid dog.

And that pretty much sums up the past few days. Lexie (the dog) decided that the lovingly marinated roasted leg of lamb I'd made for dinner on Sunday would be better in her stomach that ours. Took meat out of oven. Left meat on worktop to rest. Returned to Living room. **THUMP** Go to investigate noise. Find dog trying to frantically inhale said leg of lamb.

Somerfield in Paisley is staffed by either the stupidest people on earth, or the most apathetic. I have not yet decided which. Perhaps stupid and apathetic? Perhaps they are going for the double whammy of piss poor service/stock?

Buses are over charging me. Armpits are a long and boring story which I shall perhaps save for another time. I might not actually tell it.

Stupid neighbours are leaving bikes in the hallway downstairs. Fine. Combine that with the fact the manky w**ks are also leaving (at last count) 4 bags of rubbish next to bikes, meaning that I can't get outside with my rubbish or washing and I'm starting to get annoyed. I am going to pay someone to come nick the stupid bikes, and whilst they are at it, perhaps cork the arse of next doors dog which is still shitting all over the washing area.

I had to get one of my piercings removed with pliers today in accordance with the labratory rules. Only to discover needn't have bothered as no-one else fucking did. Great.

I'm going to run away somewhere and become a hermit.

In more happier news, we are looking at buying another house (to move into) and found a lovely one with 7, yes 7, bedrooms. However £215K might be a bit out of our price reach just now. Its not really its just more than I am comfortable with at the moment. Seen another couple of nice ones though.

Hear that dull thumping...?

That was my head rattling off the desk today, (a) because I was so tired I almost passed out, 3 cans of red bull done fuck all and (b) yet more evidence that the gene pool in Renfrew needs to be seriously widened.

L(ecturer): Can anyone here explain rationalization?

Now I'm trying not to be known as the gobby shite from row 2, so stayed silent in the hope someone else would get it, and lo, a peer piped up..."Is it like, when like, you try to rationally think things in your head, so that, like, rationally it makes a rational amount of sense?"

I don't think I was the only person that found this more confusing than listening to a broadcast by George Bush (who by the way has come up with some right corkers since the chief script writer has left the white house, so tune in folks, it's all good) as the silence in the class was deafening.

L: NO!

In other news today has been a horrible day. Came home to discover after doing some general tidying and cooking dinner, that husband would be late home. Again. So decided to go for a wee nap as was quite tired. Then discovered that dog had been sick on bed. Great. I think she'd been eating poo. God knows how. Or when.

Stripped duvet. Binned duvet as had soaked through that. Binned the sheet. Then stripped the mattress as, yup you guessed it, soaked through that.

So now I need a new duvet. I can't kip on couch because bastardo is hoggin the couch watching stupid football.

Oh and I have an allergy. I'm itching all over. I'm all red and blotchy. I'm bathing in calamine lotion and one step away from taping oven mitts around my hands to stop the scratching, but I know I would just writhe on the floor in an attempt to friction burn the frickin' rash off.

Also there is a police chopper shining a light in our window. Not just ours they are canvassing the street for undesireables no doubt but its unsettling because I'm in my jammies.

So today I am grumpy, itchy and tired. All in all, not a good day.

How to make friends and influence people

Right. Thats been 2 weeks already! It's already going by so fast.

2 weeks in and I have made a nemesis! Go me! We do not like each other. Much "growling" and distainful looks across the lecture hall. It's going to end in a drunken fight behind the bike sheds. My spidey sense is tinglin'.

I have not yet been to the student union. Or the gym, but I AM going to the gym this week, as have a couple of half days. No plans to go to the union. My nemesis frequents it and I have no desire to see more of her. Yet.

I have 4 assignments, started rough notes at the moment, but no point (as some have done) handing in completed assignments for a rough draft check - Who are these people?!?- as we still have 10 weeks of lectures ahead to fit in.

I have to go for my TB jag as not had that yet. It's going to be nippy sore.

What else....? Husband is still under the impression I shall eagerly be awaiting his return from work with a fresh bow in my hair. Still mistaken.

The wee wummin' in the canteen is a hatchet faced auld moo. I had a semi argument with her last week.

That's pretty much it. No more exciting news, but as ever if you want to know anything, just ask...

Oh my God. I am not going to get on well here

NN1 and NN2 have calmed down somewhat
This week has yielded some gems of comedic genius and idoicy. This is a class example

Lecturer: You get 3 resits, and the pass mark is 40%. I think pass mark is too low. I do not want to be nursed by someone who doesn't know 60% of what might KILL ME!
Student: Excuse me?
L: Yes?
S: See how you said the pass mark was 40%, and we get 3 resits? Does that mean we only have to score 13% each time?

L: Other student was on her third diet and still not referncing properly. If you get to YOUR third diet and still not referncing, PLEASE PLEASE come and see me.
S: What does it have to do with the course if I'm losing weight?

Other gems include the very knowledgeable 18 year old who declared that "people who try to kill themselves like 3 or 4 times obviously aren't doing it right" (no shit Sherlock) and "we should just leave them as its all about attention and its a waste of my time". Someone you would not want treating you right there.

Theres more. Oh God theres more. The maths test did not go well.
+++ If a student works a 37.5 hour week over 5 days, how many hours a day do they work?
opinion ranged from 6 to 11.5 hours.

This does not bode well.