Broken silence at placement and now whats happened is that my final report will contain a critism that my mentor feels is appropriate. Apparently, I'm fantastic with the residents and families, very patient and polite etc etc etc, and this has been mentioned to the staff. Its the staff that she feels are "my issue". After a very long and frankly pointless discussion because she just didn't seem to comprehend where I was coming from said "Well nursings a bitchy profession and you'll just have to toughen up". Nice.
"Its not me. I don't care that they are talking about meto each other for reason X, I do care however when that tranfers over to patient care, and it means that this supposed "standard" that I'm supposed to aspire to doesn't seem to apply to everyone else" says I.
"Well I will be mentioning it in your final report"
"Thats fine, I'll be mentioning my side too. I have taken on what you've said and I thank you for the guidance, however I don't feel supported here, I appreciate that you have family commitments and thats why you are part time, but if the substitutes that I'm paired with can't answer why I'm doing procedure X, then who am I supposed to ask?"
Anyway long story cut short (I'll no doubt update you with the long version at a more convenient time) is that I shouldn't have been asking questions about the work I was doing to Care assistants as they felt uncomfortable. Problem is my mentor was hardly ever in, and I was continuously paired with Care Assistants. Which I was fine with until I discover with 10 days to work that they have an issue with it.
Off to a more local hospital as of next Monday. One week to go where I am at the moment. Working compressed hours tomake up the day that I called in with a migraine because I was a ball hair away from jacking the whole thing in to go work in Asda and have a baby instead.
Yes I am also broody in to the equation and this month was a combination of crushing disappointment, relief and "what the hell was I thinking?". Plus nothings really changed at home so I've really got to try and make my peace with that too.
Away to catch up on my emails now.
Sunday, 24 August 2008
Thursday, 14 August 2008
Depressed
Utterly fucking depressed.
I don't want to talk about it, but I might be off-line for a few days until I get myself together.
I never asked to be liked, only to have a fair placement. You ask questions and they close ranks thinking you are questioning how they work (I assume). You refuse to perform illegal lifts and they tell you you are lazy. You hear them talking about you to patients, I don't give a flying fuck if they talk about me to each other, but to the patients is an entirely different ballgame.
"You're never alone on placement"? My muttony arse. I refused to cry yesterday on placement, instead waiting till I was home and eating my own bodyweight in chips and pickled onions. Damned if they see me cry. So stay happy, perky and above all helpful at all times, until I'm out of grounds and then I'm utterly dejected.
Completely scunnered, have placement details for the next placement and although I was initially wary am now just looking forward to getting out.
For for the next wee while I'm sorry guys, but its a wee bit of radio silence until I formulate what to do.
I don't want to talk about it, but I might be off-line for a few days until I get myself together.
I never asked to be liked, only to have a fair placement. You ask questions and they close ranks thinking you are questioning how they work (I assume). You refuse to perform illegal lifts and they tell you you are lazy. You hear them talking about you to patients, I don't give a flying fuck if they talk about me to each other, but to the patients is an entirely different ballgame.
"You're never alone on placement"? My muttony arse. I refused to cry yesterday on placement, instead waiting till I was home and eating my own bodyweight in chips and pickled onions. Damned if they see me cry. So stay happy, perky and above all helpful at all times, until I'm out of grounds and then I'm utterly dejected.
Completely scunnered, have placement details for the next placement and although I was initially wary am now just looking forward to getting out.
For for the next wee while I'm sorry guys, but its a wee bit of radio silence until I formulate what to do.
Tuesday, 12 August 2008
Haw! Mutton-arse!
Today has been the day from hell legit. Now this is a long post so be prepared.
Wake up, get showered and leave the house to catch the bus.
Just rounding the corner and I see my bus pulling away from the bus stop. Fuck.
Have to wait half a hour for the next one, so think "I'll phone placement and let them know I'll be a bit later in". Realise I have forgotten my mobile. Then realise as I am hunting for the phone that I have forgotten my keys.
Bus arrives, and Polish couple try to push on in front of me. Not having it so I push on in front of them. Bus driver then argues with me that my bus pass is not a bus pass. I point out that it says "ARRIVA 4 WEEK PASS" and the valid to and from dates. He tells me not to "get fucking lippy" or I'll be removed from the bus. At this point I ask him if he's fucking joking because seriously this is not a good day. Now I sit down and the bus ride begins.
Get seat on bus and begin to doze. Wake up to realise that my lunch of sandwiches is missing and so is my fruit. This is because the contents have rolled out the bag and were currently doing a tour of the bus. The most I could do is watch the Mexican wave of people jumping as my tangerines savage their ankles.
Manage to jump off bus 23, and change to bus 300 to get along to hospital. Bus driver of 300 tells me its £1.50 AFTER I've shown him my pass. I say "I have a pass" and he says "I can see that". Okay then. Sit down and continue my wonderful journey.
Get into ward 10 minutes late (good going I thought). Over the course of the day I drop various items of cutlery, 2 plates, get told to strip the wrong beds and get told the canteen is shut at lunchtime (and as I have no lunch due to its escaping have to buy some) and buy a salad only to realise it closed TOMORROW and not today.
So finish my shift, bus home is late. Bus home is a nightmare with alternatively being kicked by some wee schemey lassie and elbowed in the ribs (after I've moved seats) by some man reading a paper. Lose the rag after asking the man to move across a wee bit, he refuses, so I elbow him back in the ribs. All the way to Paisley, dig for dig.
So finally reach Paisley. Have an argument in Somerfield with some lassie who thinks that because she has a baby in a pram entitles her to push my shopping up the conveyor belt to put hers on first. I point the back of the queue is that way. "Naw". "Move your stuff or I'll move it for you" she then asks me "What my problem is", now by this point I have had it. I tell her my problem is her, and people like her acting like they can do what they like and nobody says anything. So move your fucking stuff. A security guard is called. She moves her stuff.
I get home and start cooking dinner. Get rice on. Start to open the chicken that I bought in Somerfield. Realise it has a use by date of yesterday. Perfect.
Given up and phone chinese to go with the boiled rice.
Currently watching E.R. And trying not to lose the rag more than I already have.
Not a good day and I've not even told you about the driving lesson on Sunday during which I mounted the pavement, got lost and clipped a car at 8mph. I discovered that pillows are good for sleeping on, but also burying your face in and screaming.
Wake up, get showered and leave the house to catch the bus.
Just rounding the corner and I see my bus pulling away from the bus stop. Fuck.
Have to wait half a hour for the next one, so think "I'll phone placement and let them know I'll be a bit later in". Realise I have forgotten my mobile. Then realise as I am hunting for the phone that I have forgotten my keys.
Bus arrives, and Polish couple try to push on in front of me. Not having it so I push on in front of them. Bus driver then argues with me that my bus pass is not a bus pass. I point out that it says "ARRIVA 4 WEEK PASS" and the valid to and from dates. He tells me not to "get fucking lippy" or I'll be removed from the bus. At this point I ask him if he's fucking joking because seriously this is not a good day. Now I sit down and the bus ride begins.
Get seat on bus and begin to doze. Wake up to realise that my lunch of sandwiches is missing and so is my fruit. This is because the contents have rolled out the bag and were currently doing a tour of the bus. The most I could do is watch the Mexican wave of people jumping as my tangerines savage their ankles.
Manage to jump off bus 23, and change to bus 300 to get along to hospital. Bus driver of 300 tells me its £1.50 AFTER I've shown him my pass. I say "I have a pass" and he says "I can see that". Okay then. Sit down and continue my wonderful journey.
Get into ward 10 minutes late (good going I thought). Over the course of the day I drop various items of cutlery, 2 plates, get told to strip the wrong beds and get told the canteen is shut at lunchtime (and as I have no lunch due to its escaping have to buy some) and buy a salad only to realise it closed TOMORROW and not today.
So finish my shift, bus home is late. Bus home is a nightmare with alternatively being kicked by some wee schemey lassie and elbowed in the ribs (after I've moved seats) by some man reading a paper. Lose the rag after asking the man to move across a wee bit, he refuses, so I elbow him back in the ribs. All the way to Paisley, dig for dig.
So finally reach Paisley. Have an argument in Somerfield with some lassie who thinks that because she has a baby in a pram entitles her to push my shopping up the conveyor belt to put hers on first. I point the back of the queue is that way. "Naw". "Move your stuff or I'll move it for you" she then asks me "What my problem is", now by this point I have had it. I tell her my problem is her, and people like her acting like they can do what they like and nobody says anything. So move your fucking stuff. A security guard is called. She moves her stuff.
I get home and start cooking dinner. Get rice on. Start to open the chicken that I bought in Somerfield. Realise it has a use by date of yesterday. Perfect.
Given up and phone chinese to go with the boiled rice.
Currently watching E.R. And trying not to lose the rag more than I already have.
Not a good day and I've not even told you about the driving lesson on Sunday during which I mounted the pavement, got lost and clipped a car at 8mph. I discovered that pillows are good for sleeping on, but also burying your face in and screaming.
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