I've always panicked about exams. I always panic that this year is the year they will pull out all the stops and spring a suprise Mastermind type session on me. On a subject I know nothing about. Then I'll get failed, kicked off the course, husband will think I'm a failure, divorce me and I'll end up eating out of bins, smelling of cat pee and keeping all my stuff in an Asda trolley with a wonky wheel.
But panic not. Theres always the resits right? You know fail exam in say October and resit in January - everyone needs a second chance?
WRONG.
UWS have now decided in thier ultimate wisdon to change the way the course works. Now we are a Feb in take, this means that OUR resits will be in May for the exams that we've just sat in November there. Bearing in mind that they pulled the exam schedule FORWARD from Januray giving us a scant 4 weeks notice, WHILST we were on placement.
Whats so bad about that I hear you ask - surely more time to prepare for the resit whilst out on placement?
Ah - therein lies the rub. If you fail, you cannot progress until the resits, which means if I failed my oral exam I sat last week, I will be kicked off course until MAY. No Placement. No lectures and no bursary. Effectively a 6 month stall. During which time you lose all peer and social support creating a huge psychosocial crisis. A financial one as you would have to find work to support the lack of bursary during that time.
However this also has very real ramifications for ME personally. I already did a year of nursing circa 99. The SAAS only funds 4 years of study*. Completing 3 years at Paisley brings me to 4 full years of study. If I fail ANYTHING - anything at ALL - This means that should I have to sit out the required 6 months pre re-sit.... well you do the maths. 1 year circa '99, but 3 years FT at Paisley plus 6 months out.....
So looks like my initial exam fear is indeed a very real one. The stress is mounting here folks, its almost palpable and my engrained fear of failure means I'm back to having disrupted sleep, panicking, panic attacks a go go too. And I dont think the 500ml chug of red bull helped with that either. I can't fail anything. I just CAN'T. I'm not allowed.
*study includes tuition fees payable to the university and not the Student Bursary itself.
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4 comments:
I wish I could say something that would make you feel better, but short of me winning the lottery and being able to give you the cash so you wouldn't need to worry financially, I can't really (I will give you a shout if the lottery thing thing comes off though!).
The one thing I can say, is that I have faith in you and know you can pass these exams. I am always there if you need a chat or a srong brandy to ease your nerves.
x
Can't say any more than 'I'm thinking of you', 'I know you'' do well' and 'I know you will always do your best 110%'
Always at the end of a phone or email. x
Deep breaths petal! You are a natural at this nursing lark, and I'm sure you'll do fine, but you'll make it a whole lot easier on yourself if you calm down....
At one point I had the option of trying to relax a bit and realising *everyone* fails at something.
Not now though, they've taken that paricular safety blanket away.
Have to hand in a group project this morning. I've been franic for the past 2 days. Crying at the PC, not sleeping at night, because I obviously can't control the actions of a larger group. But that group reflects on me.
Beginning to realise I have severe issues.
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