Ca va?

Cava BOF!

Pour quoi?

Bloody knackered, uni sucks just now, stressed re exams and I'm just tired.

I've totally lost my mojo.

Thats one presentation down

And I went shopping after uni.

Spent over £100. On NOTHING.

But I did pass up some beauutiful high strappy heels because even though they were £6, were a size too big. I remained strong.

Me and one of the other girls went to Asda for breakfast after presentation. As I am embracing my new pie lifestyle I also had a scone.

Thats pretty much been my day.

I'm tired and I'm away to ma bed. Expect more stress laden drama next week, I'm like Michael Douglas in falling down.

Okay... NOW i'm stressed

I've always panicked about exams. I always panic that this year is the year they will pull out all the stops and spring a suprise Mastermind type session on me. On a subject I know nothing about. Then I'll get failed, kicked off the course, husband will think I'm a failure, divorce me and I'll end up eating out of bins, smelling of cat pee and keeping all my stuff in an Asda trolley with a wonky wheel.

But panic not. Theres always the resits right? You know fail exam in say October and resit in January - everyone needs a second chance?

WRONG.

UWS have now decided in thier ultimate wisdon to change the way the course works. Now we are a Feb in take, this means that OUR resits will be in May for the exams that we've just sat in November there. Bearing in mind that they pulled the exam schedule FORWARD from Januray giving us a scant 4 weeks notice, WHILST we were on placement.

Whats so bad about that I hear you ask - surely more time to prepare for the resit whilst out on placement?

Ah - therein lies the rub. If you fail, you cannot progress until the resits, which means if I failed my oral exam I sat last week, I will be kicked off course until MAY. No Placement. No lectures and no bursary. Effectively a 6 month stall. During which time you lose all peer and social support creating a huge psychosocial crisis. A financial one as you would have to find work to support the lack of bursary during that time.

However this also has very real ramifications for ME personally. I already did a year of nursing circa 99. The SAAS only funds 4 years of study*. Completing 3 years at Paisley brings me to 4 full years of study. If I fail ANYTHING - anything at ALL - This means that should I have to sit out the required 6 months pre re-sit.... well you do the maths. 1 year circa '99, but 3 years FT at Paisley plus 6 months out.....

So looks like my initial exam fear is indeed a very real one. The stress is mounting here folks, its almost palpable and my engrained fear of failure means I'm back to having disrupted sleep, panicking, panic attacks a go go too. And I dont think the 500ml chug of red bull helped with that either. I can't fail anything. I just CAN'T. I'm not allowed.

*study includes tuition fees payable to the university and not the Student Bursary itself.

I've come to a decision

I'm fed up dieting, losing weight, putting it back on.

The only weight i seem to be able to maintain is a size 14-16 and 13 stone.

I give up. I'm fed up with shakes, pointing, weighing, carbing, counting, synning, slimming. Checking fat content, sugar content, carbs, and calories.

I'm great at dieting, I'm not very good at maintaining.

So for the next wee while, fuck it. I'm tired of the whole thing.

I'm spending another Christmas fat and do you know what, I'm suprisingly feeling okay about that.

Orals went okay

I think.

Talked about care of a patient with a venous leg ulcer, dressing rationale and related aspects/

Second one I talked about Ensuring adequate nutrition for a patient with Alzheimers.

Bloody knackered after them let me tell you.

My skates are here!

OOh the excitement.

I know that I should have protective gear on before I take them out for a spin, so am trying to resist putting those bad boys on and going out back.

Resist Kept Wifey, Resist!

Hoo-aah!

I HAVE A NEW HOBBY (Hopefully)

I started Roller Derby. The pole dancing classes fell by the wayside after the beginners block, and felt it was a bit bitchy at times, so was looking for somethig else to have a go at.

Paul suggested Roller Derby, I saw on you tube and was a bit offended, it was like boxing on skates, but decided to go and have a go anyway.

Well, so far I love it. Great fun.

I have both knees bruised, my arse and legs are killing me, my back hurts and I'm exhausted but it was really really good fun.

Will try and send you guys a link later.