Men are better than women. FACT

From Men are better than women.com. I'm sure this has to be a wind up. Surely? The guy has written a book called "Men > women". Women are not allowed to buy the book without a permission note from a man. They are not allowed to read it. You are not allowed to read his website. He hates feminists, believes all women are whores and that amongst other things, Germaine Greer is a c**t. Here are is top 10 reasons why men are better than women. . . I have condensed some of his points.

10. Men do not have Tourette Syndrome

I believe all women suffer from a mild and extremely localized form of Tourette Syndrome. The afflicted organ? Their tongues. That’s why women cannot shut their fucking mouths for ten seconds while adults are speaking around them. Their tongues are battling around in their mouths like drunken Vipers.

9. Men are not sponges

Women are social chameleons — or better yet: social vampires. Women walk into a situation and before you know it they’ve completely changed their wardrobe and mannerisms as if they’ve joined a fucking cult.

8. Women are racists

Women’s entire lives and social circles are based around hatred. Do they hate their boyfriends? Do they hate their wardrobe? Do they hate each other? Yes, yes and fuck definitely. Men don’t go in for that silly sort of nonsense. If we’re dissatisfied, we pick up and move out. Or we take our mighty man muscles and lift fucking mountains so the world looks exactly the way we want it to.

7. Men live less than women

The last thing a society needs is a bunch of non-contributing members laying around and sucking all the juice from the young. Men know this so they blast off from birth like shooting man stars — burning out ten years faster, but setting the whole night ablaze with manness. Women just kind of lie around like big fat pigs in big fat puddles of shit. Congratulations women. You really earned those rights!

6. Men write illegibly

Writing is stupid and an ineffective way to communicate. Men know this so they don’t give a shit about handwriting things

5. Jesus was a man

Whether or not you believe in Jesus, there is one fact you can’t argue with: he was a man. No religion anywhere has ever put a woman in charge of shit. That’s called dogma — man-dogma — and it means men are better than women.

4. Men wear watches

Do you know why men wear watches? It’s because there’s a limited amount of time in the day and men need to know how much of it there is so they can efficiently allocate their man ass kicking for the day. Women don’t wear watches; they wear bracelets. Women wearing bracelets is like dropping a bus of retarded kids off in front of a taffy pulling machine. They can just stare for hours and never get bored.

3. Boys destroy things

The only thing that has ever lifted our species out of the trees where we came from is our ability to destroy. Take paper: the cornerstone of the modern world. That was invented because man wanted to destroy trees and beat them into pulp. How about nuclear power? Men invented that too. Men are natural destructors.

2. Marriage is stupid

Marriage is 100% the fault of women. It was invented by men though! Did you know that? Marriage was invented because women were too busy whoring it out to fuck the only the guy who was paying their rent and feeding their fat asses French bon-bons every day. Men invented marriage as a way of telling women who they could and couldn’t fuck.

1. Men have penises

When it comes to being a man, being quick at identifying problems is tantamount to fixing them. In fact it’s tantamount-ier. Having a penis — in other words looking like a man and having man parts — is a man’s way of telling other men, ‘Hey. Look at me. I’m a man. I won’t fuck up whatever it is that you’re trying to do.

I am such an idiot!

Woke up this morning, and although I am off for 2 weeks, have to get up and go into uni for a 1.5 hour catch up class, as I missed it when I was off with Noro.

So get into uni 10 minutes early as its a lab. Go to the lab. Nope. No-one there. Go to floor 7 labs. Nope, no-one there either, check floor 5 just in case. Walk down 7 flights of stairs to lecture theatre. Lights are off. Turn lights on. Check timetable. Begin to panic as it definitely says Tuesday 29th April, 9am, skills labs. Aseptic Technique catch up.

Start walking back up to the labs. Maybe someone will be there by now. Panic most definitely setting in. Check phone 8:58. Shit. Going to be late. Start to run. Check phone again. 8:59. Look at stairs. 7 flights or the lift. Lift time could take ages. Oh shit Oh shit. Flip phone up to try and work out if I really am late late or just late. Stairs or lift? Stairs or lift. Shit shit shit shit...Hey....

Notice the date. Twenty feckin' second. Not the 29th. I'm a week early. Idiot.

Return home having wasted £2.60 on bus fare. Make porridge for breakfast. Plan dinner. Kick self for being unable to remember dates.

Sunday! Sunday! SUNDAY!

I am having yet another uneventful Sunday. Husband wants to have a lolly fight.

Lolly fight rules:

1. Opponents each get a lolly, the boiled sugar kind.
2. Opponents sook their lolly to make a lolly spear as quickly as possible.
3. Opponents jab each other with said pointy lolly and inflict sugary injury, whilst laughing uncontrollably.

I was unaware of this game, and only really knew of it when having refused an offer of a lolly (which I bought by the way, in a gesture of sweetie lovin') was typing away quite merrily on the intarwebs when I got stabbed in the side of the neck. Apparently If I'm not bleeding its not really sore... Now having exhausted the sugar lance he's created, I'm just getting poked with the soggy paper stick. Which is so much better...

Don't even get me started on the phone/bogey incident. Or the dog snotter incident (I caught him using the dog as a hanky)

Sale!

So we toddled along to Ike this morning to take advantae of the 21% off that they had going today, as a result we saved £150 on our couch/sofa bed! Result.

We also got the £0.95 breakfast and Paul had a bit of Daim cake.

So out to Ikea, shopped, fed and home by 9:40am. We is getting puir well guid at this time management carry on!

What else. Oh aye, Im off uni for 2 weeks now, then in for 2 weeks, then off for 5 weeks, and then out on placement for 26 weeks approx. Still no idea where I'm going yet hospital or indeed area wise. I could be anywhere in the Paisley area, or Vale of Leven, Greenock, Inverclyde or Oban.

Still no idea when uniforms are to be handed out. Starting to feel a bit unsettled now. All essays due in on 2nd May and biology exam is on the same day.NOW the panic is settling in which is daft as I have very little to do other than put finishing touches onto essays and then study for the Biology exam,which takes in 10 body systems in total.

We completed the personal cleansing and feeding class the other day, turns out I am okay at feeding and brushing teeth - bit more practice needed to feel comfortable. Good at washing faces etc, and bedmaking I kick ass.My ennvelope corners are great.

FLUBBADUBWOOF!

OOOOH. CRAZY ALERT!! Was out walking the dog the other day, mid afternoon, to the park for her daily doggy stuff when a wee man comes stoating up. "Aw wee dug. She's lovely" says he. I reply "Aye she is". So we get into a conversation about the dog, how old is she? I don't know we found her. Oh she's well looked after you can see that. Aye she's a sweetheart really. etc etc for about 10 minutes or so, general sane dog related chit chat. Then he asks what her name is. So I tell him. "Och! Thats not her real name" "Well it was Darcy on her collar" "OCH no thats not her real name either. Do you mind...?" I was thinking he's going to pet her, so say no. Because I genuinely didn't mind. Then he puts his hands either side of the dogs head, shuts his eyes and starts going "Hmmm. Yes. Mmmm. Right" all the while screwing up his face and looking like he's trying to lay a brown trout. Then bellows, in the middle of the street at full titlt "HER REAL NAME IS.. FLUBBADUBWOOF! FLUBBADUBWOOF! FLUBBADUBWOOF!".

So after making a not too hasty escape - he may have followed, he was beginning to look that sort of batshit mental - we toddled off home, the dog with a stick that she found for I know not what purpose. We have not rechristened her Flubbadubwoof, mostly because although she answers to it, she also answers to whatever insult we throw at her too.

These are Not Safe For Work (NSFW) but funny nonetheless. Try and have a wee swatch in private. On a computer in the corner. Talk nice to McDonald. http://www.wintrest.com/how-background-people-ruin-your-photos/
snicker
Giggle
shuffle shuffle snicker

That was the class today for 4 hours whilst we discussed the GIT (Gastro Intestinal Tract - which apprently is not inside the body, the body is simply wrapped around it) and because the GIT deals with digestion and ultimately poo. There was a lot of giggling, red faces and writing notes about poo to people. Not from me though. But seriously who would have thought 110 adults would have found poo quite so funny.

In other news, I was (obviously) back at uni today. Feeling much better as I thnk I slept for about a day straight after symptoms of horrible virus wore off. In bonus news, I have lost 7lbs in 3 days through just being no well. Every cloud has a silver lining and all that. Even bonusier is that I'm eating less naturally - without trying - so am hoping that helps the slow but steady weight loss along.

I have Norovirus

sitting on the loo to catch one end whilst holding the mop bucket because its the closest thing to hand. Other than your hands or the floor, or oneone close occasion the dog.

Am going to attempt some soup, as the boy wonder has quarantined me in the bedroom, with lots of orange dilutant juice and a basin. He's a soul really.

I pray for the little things, like the ability to walk to the loo, calmly sit down and go about my daily routine, as opposed to "Oh god." *stiff legged arse clenching walk*.

Anyway suffice to say that I can't go near uni for another 2-3 days(Wednesday is looking more liklely), I can't cook for wonderboy for 2-3 days (he's happy as a pig in shit because it means unlimited kebab, and I can't really shout at him from 2 rooms away) and I'm dreading eatning solids again. I feel the only reason that I've stopped vomming is because there is a lack of anything to vom.

So aye - how are you?