Merry Christmas.

Navel Gazing in advance of 2010

Its the small things that prompt me to re-evaluate my life and where its going at times. Trying to work out who is really in your corner and who merely tolerates you either for what you can do for them or because you make them feel better about themselves in some way although you can't quite work out why. Its the small things which may seem really insignificant to other people but really resonate with me.

I think this year (2010) I'm becoming less moany and more active, vocal even, in my perceived friendship discrepancies or imbalances.

Perhaps its because I've been so moany and whiney the past while that people have shied away somewhat, or perhaps I'm being overly sensitive and like me, they have more pressing matters than thinking about what I'm doing.

Which is strange, because I try to include people in as many things as I can. If I'm shopping and see something for that person I'll generally buy it, I'll see other things and if they trigger the thought of that person I'll tell them or get in touch. Although at times I appear selfish and self centered its because I am socially akward. I never feel as if I know the right thing to say.

I'm incredibly socially awkward. I never feel comfortable really. I always feel as if I never know the right answer to what I'm supposed to say, do or how to respond. I always feel as if I'm intruding and on the edges of any social group. Like I shouldn't be there and people are just waiting til I leave so they can really enjoy themselves, asking me on nights out in the hope I'll say no or alternatively I don't get asked at all.

I think I appear selfish and self-centered because I always feel I manage to steer a conversation around to me and whats going on with me. I don't mean it, it just seems to happen. This in turn leads to me feeling guilty and a bad friend.

But I do genuinely try to treasure and nutrure the firendships that I have. I may not make a good job of it all the time but I do try. I never intentionally hurt anyone and I do try and include them as much as possible in my life so that they don't feel pushed aside or to the peripheries of my life.

I know I always bring food, I'm not saying your foods crap. I just like to see people cared for. Its the same reason I'll clean your house, take out your bins, give lifts, buy presents for your dog/cat/rats/fish and randomly buy wierd shit I see in the shops. I know I talk too much, and too quickly and most of the time utter shite, but thats to try and involve you in my life. I share as much of me as I can.

But, perhaps with 2010, its time to start holding some of me back. Perhaps orbiting in a slightly different sphere will actually enable me to be more of a friend.

I'm trying really hard...

Not to be miserable but I'm really beginning to wonder if this is it.

I think todays just been a bad day and thats not helped.

Meh. Will report back with happier themes shortly. Hopefully.

Heids burstin'

Tomorrow we have a practice 3rd year exam, because folks, monday is the last day of second year!

Its went by so quickly and I dont think I know enough.

In 12 months time I'mm be (hopefully) qualified and in a ward.

Oh crikey!

Anyway tomorrow is our practice 3rd year orals. We present 4 patients in less than a minute. The examiners can then ask us any quaestions about the patient, their condition and thier care.

My patient is this:

76 year old female falls. BP 80/50. On a water tablet (named). Neuro obs checked. No cause for concern.

From this I can be asked;

Why did she fall? Potentially orthostatic hypotension, hypotension due to dehydration because of water tablet being too strong or side effects, or vasovagal syncope.

Why the water tablet? Water tablet belongs to specific set of diuretics precribed when patient is in Chronic heart failure. Not known if she has heart failure as this drug is also used in management of hypertension.

Discuss the drug. Indications. Contra indications, side effects and dosage.

Discuss hypertension. Clinical features, pathophysiology, treatment and nursing management.
Repeat for hypotention, orthostatic hypotension and chronic heart failure.

Discuss the Glasgow Coma Scale and Neurological observations.

And thats just the basic stuff I can think they'll ask us.

In third year repeat for 8 patients.

Derby!

Going well. I think. Ish

Today we were practicing blocking and weaving, including the "wipe yer bum" move

Seems so many things on my life involve wiping arses

2am.

There is a reason why I'm still awake.

I'm now beginning to wonder if the reason is even worth bothering about, or if I'm just being overly paranoid. Or needy.

(edited to remove the whiny moany part that was here. Its really too much. You would bite through your own wrists to stop reading it)