And after a day or so to settle back feeling a bit more relaxed.
Have to get back to a placement to get them to sign off some paperwork that was missed first time around, and have an appointment for that so feeling a bit less stressed re that aspect of things.
I still have to tinker with and refine 2 oral presentations and they've brought the date forward by 2 months. So thats a bit of a pisser
I also put on loads of weight in Campbeltown, A total of an extra 5lbs but by do I feel them. So its also back on the diet train for me.
Monday, 26 October 2009
Thursday, 22 October 2009
I've been awake since 4:10am
Having trouble sleeping, very unlike me.
Been awake most of the past few nights actually, wondering where the year has gone, wondering if this is all worth it, wondering about paperwork sign offs, exams, orals, employment, interviews, a bigger house, the dog, my marriage, my weight, my age, my life, Campbeltown, my perceived lack of connection with people, lack of green space, recession, culture, gardens, family, feeling like a tit most of the time, identity, money, more paperwork, more signing off, end of year interviews, grading, assisgnments, dressings, patient interactions and the meaning of life.
My mind is constantly racing and I can't seem to relax. I've tried but the fact that I'm writing this at 5:50 in the morning should be testatment that I'm not finding relaxing that easy. I look like shit, my skins broken out on acne and I have big blue circles under my eyes. Not that I'm breaking any hearts normally mind.
I just wonder now is any of this worth it? And I don't just mean the course, I mean the whole shebang. Just feel removed from anything meaningful at the moment, and I wonder if its worthwhile at all coming back or if I'm just training myself into the routine of my life as it is.
Then I wonder if anyone is really happy with thier lot, or if they too just train themselves into acceptance and call it happiness?
Been awake most of the past few nights actually, wondering where the year has gone, wondering if this is all worth it, wondering about paperwork sign offs, exams, orals, employment, interviews, a bigger house, the dog, my marriage, my weight, my age, my life, Campbeltown, my perceived lack of connection with people, lack of green space, recession, culture, gardens, family, feeling like a tit most of the time, identity, money, more paperwork, more signing off, end of year interviews, grading, assisgnments, dressings, patient interactions and the meaning of life.
My mind is constantly racing and I can't seem to relax. I've tried but the fact that I'm writing this at 5:50 in the morning should be testatment that I'm not finding relaxing that easy. I look like shit, my skins broken out on acne and I have big blue circles under my eyes. Not that I'm breaking any hearts normally mind.
I just wonder now is any of this worth it? And I don't just mean the course, I mean the whole shebang. Just feel removed from anything meaningful at the moment, and I wonder if its worthwhile at all coming back or if I'm just training myself into the routine of my life as it is.
Then I wonder if anyone is really happy with thier lot, or if they too just train themselves into acceptance and call it happiness?
Saturday, 17 October 2009
I have a fringe!
I have a fringe!
Thats the most exciting thing to have happened recently.
Also only 5 sleeps til I'm home!
WHOOOOOO!
Thats the most exciting thing to have happened recently.
Also only 5 sleeps til I'm home!
WHOOOOOO!
Thursday, 15 October 2009
Oh. My, God
Ladies. Its with a heavy heart that I report to you my recent discovery.
I found a grey eyebrow hair.
It was half white half brown.
What is THAT about?
I found a grey eyebrow hair.
It was half white half brown.
What is THAT about?
Monday, 12 October 2009
Not much to report really
Other than a huge crisis of confidence. Up here, working away fine on placement. No real issues to report, everyone is lovely if a bit involved with everyone elses personal life, but such are the pitfall of small town living.
I'm wondering if this is the right thing for me?
Not that I doubt myself but I wonder if its all worth it? Talking to some recently qualified third years and apparently there is no work. 3 years of no money, hard graft and being treated like a second rate citizen at times and theres no work at the end of it. I'm trying not to panic but what if its all been for nothing? What if I can't find work and have to go work in Asda with a nursing degree under my belt, or worse yet, return to the OFFICE? How will you cope with the new quieter, mre refined me? I am a lady. Almost.
I'm fed up with the paperwork. An intrinsic part of nursing right there, but ye gads its scunnering.
Husband has just left after being up to visit for a few days and I now have the rest of the day off, had I known I would have swapped my day off for a back shift. Moan moan.
Campbeltown: Beautiful. Scenery is gorgeous. Admittedly not a lot to do and its quite disconcerting not being as anonymous as you are in Glasgow. Theres no such thing as a "quiet drink" as everyone not only knows everyone else but want to know you too. I am however finding the solitude rather refreshing and the time away has done me good. The staff on the ward are trying to convince me there is a hospital ghost by rining bedside buzzers and then hiding in wardrobes/round the corner to try and make me think its the ghostie.
Also the ward is built on some sort of fertility leyline. 6 of the staff have went off in the past year for maternity leave. Rabbits I tell you. So I'm getting warned left right and centre from the Care Assisstants to invest in a decent TV for the flat. Tried explaining that husband is in Glasgow and I would be in major trouble if I pitched back to Glasgow in a delicate condition.
Still horrendously broody though. The thought of waiting til 30 to have my first child makes me feel a bit... strange. And that 30 is based on finding work to make sure I reap maternity benefits. Or in a years time I might just think "Fuck it" and do it anyway.
I'm wondering if this is the right thing for me?
Not that I doubt myself but I wonder if its all worth it? Talking to some recently qualified third years and apparently there is no work. 3 years of no money, hard graft and being treated like a second rate citizen at times and theres no work at the end of it. I'm trying not to panic but what if its all been for nothing? What if I can't find work and have to go work in Asda with a nursing degree under my belt, or worse yet, return to the OFFICE? How will you cope with the new quieter, mre refined me? I am a lady. Almost.
I'm fed up with the paperwork. An intrinsic part of nursing right there, but ye gads its scunnering.
Husband has just left after being up to visit for a few days and I now have the rest of the day off, had I known I would have swapped my day off for a back shift. Moan moan.
Campbeltown: Beautiful. Scenery is gorgeous. Admittedly not a lot to do and its quite disconcerting not being as anonymous as you are in Glasgow. Theres no such thing as a "quiet drink" as everyone not only knows everyone else but want to know you too. I am however finding the solitude rather refreshing and the time away has done me good. The staff on the ward are trying to convince me there is a hospital ghost by rining bedside buzzers and then hiding in wardrobes/round the corner to try and make me think its the ghostie.
Also the ward is built on some sort of fertility leyline. 6 of the staff have went off in the past year for maternity leave. Rabbits I tell you. So I'm getting warned left right and centre from the Care Assisstants to invest in a decent TV for the flat. Tried explaining that husband is in Glasgow and I would be in major trouble if I pitched back to Glasgow in a delicate condition.
Still horrendously broody though. The thought of waiting til 30 to have my first child makes me feel a bit... strange. And that 30 is based on finding work to make sure I reap maternity benefits. Or in a years time I might just think "Fuck it" and do it anyway.
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