Husband knows about the fitness class, so I can make it a bit more public
As of this Thursday - I am enrolled in Pole dancing classes, beginner level. Uniform is shorts tee shirt and high heels.
This will either go really well, or tremendously badly. Wish me luck.
Placement - going well. Learning more now, and retaining more now I think I'm a bit more settled into it.
Exam revision - not so well, need to really get my head into gear and get organised. Think I know where I am going with it now.
Sunday, 26 April 2009
Wednesday, 22 April 2009
A present from me to me
Just enrolled in a wee fitness class starting next Thursday,
snicker.
Not telling husband so its a secret.
snicker.
Not telling husband so its a secret.
Friday, 17 April 2009
Emotionally drained.
Have a patient in, who reminds me of husband. Same age, similar build, similar features.
There was an event (which I can't really go into in detail due to potential identification) and he went blue. I don't mean ashen, he had to have an emergency intubation and he was so blue he looked like a smurf.
I have never felt so utterly useless or guilty for my inability.
Intensive Care - I needed intensive care. Finished my shift and went to shops to decompress a bit before I went home. I might actually go for a run later I still need to work through whatevers eating at me. Just keep getting flashes of his blue face, struggling and the acute feeling of inadequacy that I felt.
Usually when I get emotionally involved with placements, its that I hate it, or I'm angry, full of the need to change what I see as flaws in the practice or the system. Sometimes people and thier behaviour make me despondent.
This though was so ... frantic. I can't explain it really unless I tell the whole story and even then its hard to verbalise.
Its one of the few occasions where I've been really keen to come home and crack open a bottle of wine, drink to a stupor, sleep and dull the memory of the whole thing.
There was an event (which I can't really go into in detail due to potential identification) and he went blue. I don't mean ashen, he had to have an emergency intubation and he was so blue he looked like a smurf.
I have never felt so utterly useless or guilty for my inability.
Intensive Care - I needed intensive care. Finished my shift and went to shops to decompress a bit before I went home. I might actually go for a run later I still need to work through whatevers eating at me. Just keep getting flashes of his blue face, struggling and the acute feeling of inadequacy that I felt.
Usually when I get emotionally involved with placements, its that I hate it, or I'm angry, full of the need to change what I see as flaws in the practice or the system. Sometimes people and thier behaviour make me despondent.
This though was so ... frantic. I can't explain it really unless I tell the whole story and even then its hard to verbalise.
Its one of the few occasions where I've been really keen to come home and crack open a bottle of wine, drink to a stupor, sleep and dull the memory of the whole thing.
Wednesday, 15 April 2009
Intensive Care update
Oh god.
Day 1 - arrived , was told to wear scrubs. Donned scrubs. Bit overwhelmed, very technical, alarms, dials, ventilator volumes, jargon.
Day 2 - Met mentor. He's lovely. Explains most things and I try to keep in as much as possible.
Today - Day 3 - Totally overwhelmed. New person to work with who asked me many questions that I didn't know the answer to. Totally mortified. Still don't know what half of the ventilator settings are, but apparently as a 2nd year not expected to know the setting meaning just the possible problems of mechanically assisted ventilation. Can't find anything online really. Got some but still feel a bit lost. Can't find way around the store cupboard, the names on the packets are completely different to what staff are asking me for.
Reprimanded for wearing scrubs. Am supposed to be in uniform. Explain was told to wear scrubs. That over... ach do you know what? Moan. I'm tired, I feel completely out my depth and a bit overwhelmed. I know that if you do you're supposed to say that its a bit much, so I do then I just feel like a total tool.
Ah well, it can only get better. Aye?
Day 1 - arrived , was told to wear scrubs. Donned scrubs. Bit overwhelmed, very technical, alarms, dials, ventilator volumes, jargon.
Day 2 - Met mentor. He's lovely. Explains most things and I try to keep in as much as possible.
Today - Day 3 - Totally overwhelmed. New person to work with who asked me many questions that I didn't know the answer to. Totally mortified. Still don't know what half of the ventilator settings are, but apparently as a 2nd year not expected to know the setting meaning just the possible problems of mechanically assisted ventilation. Can't find anything online really. Got some but still feel a bit lost. Can't find way around the store cupboard, the names on the packets are completely different to what staff are asking me for.
Reprimanded for wearing scrubs. Am supposed to be in uniform. Explain was told to wear scrubs. That over... ach do you know what? Moan. I'm tired, I feel completely out my depth and a bit overwhelmed. I know that if you do you're supposed to say that its a bit much, so I do then I just feel like a total tool.
Ah well, it can only get better. Aye?
Sunday, 5 April 2009
Driving update:
Went really well, unassisted driving for 2 weeks in a row now.
Next week: Test route
Week after: Mock test
Week after: REAL DRIVING TEST.
Arse making buttons here.
Next week: Test route
Week after: Mock test
Week after: REAL DRIVING TEST.
Arse making buttons here.
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